"Wake up sleepy head," my mom said as she pulled one of my bed sheets off of me.
"But mom it's five o'clock in the morning," I whined.
"Fine stay at home and not go to the amusement park today" my mom said. Immediately I became so excited that I jumped up and down not caring that my bed had a lose spring in it. Simply I ran into my mother and had an adrenaline rush and felt like a bodybuilder picking her up inches from the ground giving her a bear hug.
"You're the best," I said blissfully.
"Yeah I know, now get ready and meet us downstairs," my mom said.
After getting ready I made sure everything I needed was packed. As soon as I walked outside I felt the cold wind wrap around my skin making me shiver. I ran quickly to the car to meet my family who were already inside waiting for me.
"Hey what was taking you so long?" my brother asked impatiently.
I rolled my eyes at my brother and sat down inside. While my mom drove away, I drifted off to sleep.
After awhile I woke up to the sound of drivers honking their horns. "Are we there yet?" I ask my mom.
"No but were almost there" my mom said.
I looked out the window to see where we were. Instantly I became exuberant when I saw that we were just inches away from Six Flags. When we finally arrived I opened the door quickly to step outside until my brother grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back in.
"Hold on I have something to give you," my brother said. He hands me his lucky penny.
"What's this for?" I asked.
"For courage so you won't chicken out like last time," my brother chuckled.
His words caused me to remember the last summer when we were at Six Flags. While we waited in line to ride the Kingda Ka I saw the group before us get on the ride. After seeing them go up the hill, I no longer felt fearful until their screams echoed within the air around me.
"I bet you five bucks that today I will get on the ride," I said as I stuck my hand out for a handshake.
"Deal," my brother said as he shook my hand.
While we were on the roller coaster, I secretly pulled out the lucky penny to feel it within my hands. After doing so, I became strong willed to win the bet I made against my brother. As soon as the ride started, I felt like I made the biggest mistake of my life.
"What's wrong, you scared?" my brother asked in a baby voice.
"No but I uh just ate a hotdog so I think I'm going to go," I said as I tried to get up from my seat.
Without having the chance to leave, the ride started. Within a matter of seconds I was at high incline anticipating the drop of the ride. When the ride finally moved over the hill, I closed my eyes and screamed at the top of my lungs.
If the prompt is truly as open ended as you have stated, then good job. Great vocabulary
In the beginning I suggest you add more life to the interactions, descriptors ect. Right now I feel as if it is rather rudimentary, another conversation like any other, you were excited for this one, make the writing scream that to me.
"Even though I was extremely cold" is sort of redundant because you already mentioned that
"I became fearful after seeing the height at which the ride dropped and decided not to get on it" seems to be off from you character so far, a little too rigid
If there is no length requirement I would add more without a doubt, great character though, liven it up a little more and you'll be good to go
I like the changes a lot, adds the dimension you were looking for.
"No but I uh just ate a hotdog so .." Was the No supposed to be a nothing perchance?
Otherwise this is solid, good work
