Hello all, can you take a look at my supplement essay? I have people to look at my general acceptance essay but not on my supplements, so I'm hoping I could get some help here.
1) Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it (Approximately 250 words).
Some people ask me why I do it. They may ask, "Why do you spend two hours pushing your forty-pound mountain bike up a 1500-foot mountain, just to have a five-minute ride down?" Yes I do it for the thrill. I do it because I am fanatical about biking. However, the people who often ask this question do not know what goes on besides the push up and the ride down. When you ride with anyone, whether they are older or younger, a boy or a girl, you realize the passion for mountain biking is the same within all of us.
Living in Brazil forms a language barrier between Brazilians who can't speak English and my gringo-self who is less than proficient in Portuguese. However, the wall between the relationships of people who ride is non-existent. The hunger for a perfectly groomed trail and a fifteen-foot drop can manifest in a young Brazilian boy just as it has developed in me. Although we cannot speak the same language, I can appreciate the exhilaration of a young boy going off a jump as if I were accomplishing the undertaking.
People who ride bikes come from different backgrounds, speak different languages, and vary in fortune with regards to the bike they ride. However, the differences stop there. As a mountain biker, one can relate with someone without needed to say words, for the feeling we each get from riding our bikes is identical and radiates in us all. That is what makes mountain-bikers different from any other group. That is why I ride.
This is a good answer, it really shows your passion for mountain riding!! here are a couple of suggestions
ask mequestion why I do it. They may ask, "Why do you spend two hours pushing your forty-pound mountain bike up a 1500-foot mountain, just to have a five-minute ride down?" Yes, I do it for the thrill. I do it because I am fanatical about biking.
I honestly really like your explanation of why you choose to ride. One thing I would change, though, is use the first person more and the third person less -- you say in your essay "one can relate to someone without..." which is a well-written concept, but I think since the question is asking about your place in it, you could modify it so it's more personal, and that YOU can relate to someone without... etc.
Hope that helps. Your writing and personality are very like-able, IMO.