'The right answer' - UChicago Immersion Essay - Rewarding Experience

This is for UChicago Summer Immersion Program. Feedback in general would be beneficial. I'm not that great at grammar so let me know if I messed anything up. Thanks in advance!

Why did you choose... One essay at one time please

Describe your most rewarding recent academic project or academic experience.

I handed him a white piece of paper. He held it up to faded light of the classroom, inspecting the line of numbers and letters that sat atop the page. DeAndre slammed the paper down on the gray school desk. Fire roared in his eyes as he worked furiously on the math problem. His long fingers elegantly glided the pencil across the page. Seconds later he looked up from the page and shouted, "The answer is six!" I picked up the sheet of paper from his desk and examined it. My eyes meticulously scanned each line until I reached the end. A grin shot across my face. DeAndre got the right answer.

I was assigned to tutor DeAndre in algebra through my school's volunteering program. I was initially hesitant and uninterested, but I eventually found satisfaction in teaching and watching him succeed. For six weeks DeAndre and I met with each other every single day. We spent hours staring at x's and y's, deriving formulas, and graphing equations. Fortunately, our adventure culminated with DeAndre effortlessly passing the semester.

On the last day of final exams I waited anxiously outside DeAndre's algebra class to hear news of his performance. Without saying a word, DeAndre walked out of the room, gave me a hug, and handed me an envelope. In it was a card that read a message of thanks and gratitude. Below the message were the signatures of DeAndre and his parents. In that moment it occurred to me that I had helped. I made a difference in someone's academic career.

Throughout all of my endeavors, nothing felt as fulfilling as seeing DeAndre pass his algebra class with my help.

American writer Grace Paley ...

I really like these supplements, they tell why you want to go to UChicago based on your interests!
I think for the 2nd one, you should spend less time setting up the environment with DeAndre, I don't think you need some lines like "His long fingers elegantly glided the pencil across the page" It would be more interesting if you talk about the struggles that came with tutoring him.

For the last one, I think it would be a more intriguing if you talk more about WHY you want to know about your dad's history, answering the " Why would you want to know this" part of the prompt.

I think these are great though, good luck!!

@astrum72
Thanks! I'll be sure to look at your essays.
Also, I forgot to paste the whole 2nd essay about DeAndre (i forgot to copy the last 2 paragraphs).. oops! Here it is...