Hi everyone,
this is my common app personal essay. It is about 800 words long and is regarding my experience during the Youth Olympic Games.
Would be extremely grateful if you guys could tell me what you think.
All forms of criticism are welcomed!
Thanks in advance!!!
Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
5 Rings, 3 Months, 1 Unforgettable Experience
If a picture paints a thousand words, then how many words does a T-shirt convey? More specifically, a purple-coloured Crocodie Polo-Tee.
To the untrained eye, it might seem like any other piece of clothing. Only upon closer examination will you notice the five distinctive Olympic rings printed on the back, and above them, the words: Singapore 2010. Yes, I am referring to the official workforce attire which volunteers donned for the Youth Olympic Games. As a volunteer myself, this uniform symbolizes the blood, sweat and tears that I poured in during the course of my duty. But more than just fond memories, my participation in this inaugural event has indirectly defined the many values in life that I hold dear to. Just as the Youth Games marked the emergence of a new chapter in Olympic history, so did a fresh page in my life begin as well.
I will never forget my first day of work. Given that the past nineteen years of my life have been spent under the watchful eyes of my parents and teachers, it would come as no surprise that I was eager to find out what my new-found independence would entail. Imagine my surprise when I was put in-charge of organizing a Training Day for all the volunteers! Curiously enough, my lack of experience and preparation spurred me to become more proactive. Whether it be diving head-first into unchartered waters or having to learn on-the-fly, I always seize every available opportunity to improve myself. Granted that making impromptu speeches and planning the logistics requirement for a few thousand people are not skills that can be learnt overnight, but what is there to lose even if I fail on my first attempt? After all, isn't confidence gained from not fearing to be wrong and not from always being right? Indeed, every step in life is a chance to increase my potential; I have to treasure each moment, lest it disappears forever.
However, my work was not always smooth-sailing. With each passing day, came greater responsibilities and closer deadlines. Typing emails at three in the morning and staying over at the Marina Float during weekends to coordinate the rehearsals of the opening ceremony performances, soon became a norm. Frankly speaking, there were occasions when overwhelming pressure and fatigue would cause me to grow disillusioned and weary; but, it would also be these tough and trying times which I appreciated the most. Personally, such moments act as signposts that remind me to question the purpose of my efforts and to reaffirm my goals. This act of reflection serves to reignite my passion and inspires me to courageously plough on, no matter what the circumstances. Setbacks are an inevitable part of life. Giving up might seem like an attractive option, but after the momentary gratification wears off, the regret and guilt of forsaking one's dreams, is a feeling I do not ever want to bear.
Nonetheless, the highlight of my Youth Olympic journey was interacting with the athletes. With participants hailing from all over the world, each with his own unique background and culture, it would seem that a clash of beliefs was unavoidable. Herein lies the importance of keeping an open-mind. I vividly recall how a simple conversation with a fellow cyclist, slowly evolved into a sharing of ideologies, and for me, a realization of my narrow mindset. While proudly proclaiming that I believe Singapore has one of the best road systems in the world, I was taken aback when my Dutch counterpart told me otherwise. To him, the roads were anything but user-friendly due to the absence of cyclists' lanes, unlike in the Netherlands where special roads are assigned to bicycles. Such conversations remind me that a willingness to be receptive to new perspectives is vital in widening my horizons of this diverse world we share. Human nature is such that we display prejudice towards opinions which do not align with ours. But the world is complex. Understanding the nuances within our global community is essential in fostering mutual respect, and helpful in exposing us to a wealth of different ideas. Even though the Games have concluded, I am bound to work with people from other generations and various cultures in my future endeavors. When that time arrives, I will surely be just as eager to expand my looking-glass of the world.
As I look at photographs taken during the Youth Olympic Games, I cannot help but marvel at how quickly it has passed. Similarly, the next four years of college life will fly past in a blink of an eye. I want to make the most of my university experience; to be able to freely pursue my passions, and take ownership over my own learning. No doubt the journey ahead will not be an easy one, but nonetheless, it is a race I cannot wait to run.
Let's make this more accurate:
While After proudly proclaiming that I believe Singapore has one of the best road systems in the world, I was taken aback when my Dutch counterpart told me otherwise.
Human nature is such that we display prejudice towards opinions which do not align with ours.----This needs revision. It is not prejudice if our views are not aligned; it is disagreement. What you are trying to say is something a little subtler. When we are influenced by different cultural patterns and cultural influences on our identities, we may have a warped perspective.
It is hard to pinpoint exactly what the main theme is. I suggest choosing one theme and expressing it in a few different ways during the essay -- especially in the first and last sentences of paragraphs. What is the main theme? Express it in at least 4 different sentence at the start or end of paragraphs. :-) that's my idea for you. The essay it great, and I think this is all it really needs... a distinct main theme.
Hi Kevin,
Thanks for the comments. I really do appreciate them!
Yes, now that you mentioned it, the sentence on human nature does indeed need some tweaking.
Will also work on the aspect of portraying a main theme/focal point which I want to emphasize.
Thank you very much again, for the valuable advice!
