HELLO,
im applying to RISD and i have to write short essays between 200-400 words. for the first one, write about a significant person, circumstance, moment , idea, place, experience, or thing that hs helped define you up to this point in your life.
does this mean you only choose one out of all these given topic to do? and if so which one should i do and what kind of idea i could make it interesting!
if anyone has written any of these before could i have a read as a guidelines?
thank you for all your help!! please can i have it as soon as possible coz im starting to write it now!!!
does this mean you only choose one out of all these given topic to do?
Yes, just one is fine.
and if so which one should i do
We don't know your life, so we cannot say.
if anyone has written any of these before could i have a read as a guidelines?
There are plenty of similar essays on this site. Browse around within undergraduate admissions essays.
Oddly enough, I'm starting to write my essay for RISD right now. If this helps, I decided to choose an event that's helped shaped me. I'm still debating between a precollege art program that solidified my desire to pursue the major that I have selected or a trip to Israel that has connected me deeper to my heritage. However, I would suggest you follow the same idea. Whether it be a person, event, etc, it should be something that has heavily contributed to your personality or desire to attend RISD and be in the arts.
Also, feel free to give me your opinion about what event I should write about haha I'm so stuck right now. If you want, we could also email back and forth with our essays for editing help and such?
here are some ideas i could come up with but im not sure which are the best and wouldnt be boring to the reader:
1) moment - its roughtly about the childhool of my life when i saw a huge box set of nail vanished my moom has got it out to paint her nails and thats the time when i become inspired to the arts of colours and drawings and stickers etc.
2) significant person - its roughly about my parents which support me and teach me to choose and do in whatever if that would bring the happiness to me whereas some familys doesnt support and see acedemic subject as more essential etc.
or lastly
3) place- i have always known myself as an artistic and when i would just walking to the art gallery near my home. i found by walking and looking at the pictures in gallery does give the feeling of art in different ways...something like this??
which you think is better or should i think of more creative ones?
I think number 1 is the most creative. The rest seems either common or trite.
Hmmmm . . . The first option is probably the best. The second one you should avoid, as everyone is influenced by their parents, and so many students use just that example, making anything you write likely to be dull and trite. The third one could be interesting, but is far too vague as it stands. Maybe you could describe your first visit to the gallery, or some such.
First is fine, but I prefer the third. Place is hot right now as a topic in the arts, so if you could say much more than you do here, really evoking the place and its effect on you, that might be very apt for RISD.
Please could you help to make this essay better and shorten it so that it isnt too boring and so it is within 200-400 because it is 410 now?
essay:
Have you ever fail to notice small change in your daily lives?
In the world with developed technologies and transportation, people lives in a busy life and ignore the admiration of art around them without noticing.
It happened to me,
I was a spoiled rich girl who never take her feet exercised; cars only. I was the girl who found herself got spell by the arts in the gallery; blind from the outside. Nevertheless, there was a day when I crave to go to art gallery but no cars were available for me. Therefore I made my decision to walk there since it isn't far off.
On the way to gallery, while I was walking along the pavement, some stone was cracked, some was half-missing and some even got dirt and turn into other. I thought to myself, "I rarely see this, why? Is it because I only traveled by car?"
Walking through those pavement, I was ought to cross the bridge. At the top of the bridge was an amazing feeling as when I looked down I saw a long-tailed boat running in its terminal speed with water splashing at the end of the blade of the boat within small area but the rest of river was in quiet piece. I have a thought to myself "why have I never seen this before when I do cross the bridge so often? Is it because I traveled by car?"
I move on and walk into a park as it was a shortcut to the gallery. The park was massive that I couldn't see the end and it was so green that everything looks all the same. I went to sit on the chairs, looked around and saw some big trees that kept people in the shade, saw the fields of grass where one can sunbathe or have some fun activities. What I like the most was when I looked up, the sky was so in a mixed of color on that day because it was nearly sunset. Moreover, when the breeze of wind blows, the trees move gently with sound. I thought to myself "I must walk often!"
I then start walking and admiring the park at the same time and I eventually got to the gallery thou unexpectedly it was already closing time. I wasn't disappointed but thought to myself "I don't need art gallery since art is all around!!"
i have changed the stone section and it becomes this:
the wall on the other side was full of graffiti that I could never see in the art gallery, it was spectacular. I to myself, "I rarely see this, why? Is it because I only go to gallery?"
I would add that to what you had before, rather than replacing what you had before.
This is a truly charming essay, full of thoughtful reflection and vivid imagery. Now you need to fix the grammar. I'll invite our panel of experts to point out any errors they see.
My primary critique in that realm is that you must keep your verb tenses consistent. You are writing in past tense, but very frequently slip into present tense. Go back through the essay, verb by verb, making sure all of your verbs are in the proper tense.
In addition, I'd highly suggest you rephrase the beginning (from "Have you..." to "It happened to me..."). Personally I feel it is more mature of the writer to keep the college essay focused on themselves instead of posing a question towards the admission's person (just like how English teachers don't want you using "I's" and "you's" in your book report).
Off the top of my head, you can change it to "Up until a certain moment in my life, I had never noticed the small changes in life."
And read through your essay before you post it! As stated above, there are several errors in verb tenses as well as a few issues with singulars and plurals.
i would like to add rather than replacing since you think it is a better idea but unfortunately i have to cut some part down because the maximum is 400 words and i have written far beyond that...
so please could you suggest to me where i should cut off or add in? thank you!
PS. i know i have a real problem with my grammar, thank you for inviting the experts to correct the errors for me! i really appreciated!!
sorry you guys to ask for help again!!
im not so confident if this is a good enough essay to be send to RISD???
please could you critique my essay topic?
i actually like the essay topic. dont lose confidence in it! its just, like any essay, some stuff needs to be made stronger, some stuff needs to be said differenrly etc. your problem in this essay is tense issues. it seems as if you just wrote it and just posted it up and that was it. and not even that much thought. u just wrote it as if it was happening now. the tenses were off. that was the main issue. other than that i happen to like the topic. idk how the other members will feel, but i say make keep the topic, but perfect it :D
good luck chica!!
heyy..thank you for correcting my essay! you were right about me posting the essay straight away without going back to check for tenses! i will be more careful next time... =)
thank you
Hi, I am so new
Anyway I read your essay. It's okay maybe your real experience could help. In this case, your essay sound surrealistic
I couldn't feel any moment that you really appreciate in art around you. Even the gallery you went.
I dont know any of grammar but for this essay, try to make it real. Try to walk along the street and you will see other thins than rock,water splash or boat.
You are not apply for literature, you are applying for ART so.
I believe you can make it wonderful.
