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'/RISD Dual Program' - Brown Supplement-------Why Brown?


longyue 1 / 17  
Oct 23, 2009   #1
This is my supplement for the application of Brown...

--------------Thanks for any harsh criticism or comment on this unrefined essay.----------------

In Brown, I believe I would not have time to hesitate in throwing myself to something I truly love. Students there have their individual goals, sharing the courage to pursue them regardless of others' choices. In Chinese traditional ideas, transcript could decide everything. I remember in senior one, 4 of our classmates signed to compete in ceramic making competition. To stand out from the crowds, we applied normal mud to making bronzy quadripod, an ancient Chinese cooking vessel with four legs. The process indeed required both tolerance and subtlety. I dried the mud, molded to scheduled shapes and put paste to the join points. Most difficultly, I should score in the mud with burin, but simultaneously not penetrate the thin layers. When I finally painted the quadripod in black green, I had already spent a week doing so every night. Only completed the regular homework but not the additional assignment, my mom was angry and criticized me for not focusing on my poor physics but devoting time on recreation. Though I was mad to hear the words, I indeed understood my mother's thoughts. In a school where the students' behaviors were all judged by the blocked subjects, it was hard not to admire the students who had outstanding transcript. Maybe that was the reason why I devoted much time to the abhorring physics. Why in the world do I need to sacrifice my piano-playing time or painting time to analyze how a bullet penetrates a wooden block?

The Brown/RISD Dual Program is the second reason; it indeed unfastened my cumulative worries. I really loved art design, especially watercolor painting. At a very young age, I told my surrounding people about my three dream jobs: painter (or designer), pianist and athletics. However, my only 16.5 centimeters short hands stopped the second dream and my entrance to senior school instead of sports school cancelled my third one ( In China, most athletes started professional training at a very young age and often dropped the regular studies). The only surviving dream drove me to major in Arts in university. However, the older I am, the more fascinations I discover in this world. I love mathematics, as well as environmental science. Those things stop me from stepping in only one road. So when I discovered the program in the website, I firmly held the belief that I would give this a try no matter the result. Even if I fail, I would not regret.
mmmargarita 10 / 79  
Oct 24, 2009   #2
Grammatical errors aside, I'm not sure your first paragraph conveys the right attitude. When I went to the Brown info session, the admissions officer emphasized that the purpose of the open curriculum wasn't to let students cop out of classes they hate, but to take all the classes they love. So you may want to rethink the last part of your anecdote about physics.

The second paragraph..
it indeed unfastened my cumulative worries. I don't understand this sentence at all.
How does it "unfasten" your worries? We don't even know what worries you're referring to.

I really loved art design, especially watercolor painting Be careful with your tense. It should be present, unless you currently don't like art design, which would make this paragraph pointless.

However, the older I am, the more fascinations I discover in this world. However, the older I grow, the more fascinations I discover in the world. You should probably change "fascinations," it doesn't make sense here.

( In China, most athletes started professional training at a very young age and often dropped the regular studies).This sentence is unecessary.

I think you also ought to elaborate on what the Brown/RISD program will do for you in terms of your interest in art.
OP longyue 1 / 17  
Oct 24, 2009   #3
Thanks a lot for your criticism. I will correct the grammar mistakes and consider more carefully about the ideas that i want to inform.

Thanks again.
dramacratic 6 / 27  
Oct 24, 2009   #4
I'm working on the same supplement. You do know that it has a limit of 1,000 characters, right?

Regardless, you have a lot of needless words and sentences that can be omitted.

In your first paragraph, you could start out with the anecdote about the ceramic making competition. Not only would that draw the admissions reader into thinking, "Ceramic making? Where is this kid going?" as opposed to a beginning that is more standard. Brown likes out-of-the-box ideas, and with the amount of applicants that they have to devote attention to, you want to grab it and hold is as long as possible. Additionally, try not to give the reader a step-by-step process that is straightforward. The scene has a LOT of potential though, you just need to tap into it.

Definitely rethink physics. If you're attached to it, you should not give it such a negative voice by saying, "My poor physics" and "My abhorring physics." Show me your emotions, not tell.

With regards to your second paragraph, wouldn't that better fit in the "Anticipated Major" short answer? Just a thought!

Best of luck! =]


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