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A Risky Phone call; Common App/ extracurricular activities


katev 18 / 120 24  
Dec 20, 2012   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

I stood as a lone freshman in a gym full of high-flying, far more experienced cheerleaders. After hours of waiting, I performed my routine for the judges. However, despite my best efforts, I did not make the cheerleading team that year. Devastated, I took a chance and called the coach to ask how I could improve for next year. Heeding her advice, I spent my sophomore year training everyday. When tryouts arrived again, I knew I was prepared to face the judges. I could not have foreseen the impact that cheerleading would have on my life when I tried out for that second time. Now everyday I can bring excitement to stands full of hundreds of people. I have become a more confident person who is ready to take on new mental and physical challenges, such as throwing my teammates 20 feet into the air. I realize now that it was my initial failure, my courage to call the coach, and my tenacity to try out again that gave me two years of cheerleading that I would have never wanted to miss.

Did I address the prompt well? Do I reveal enough about myself? Please give any constructive criticism you have!
StephR 4 / 14 1  
Dec 20, 2012   #2
i found it to be really good and a great topic. honestly i think it is much better than the short answer i wrote lol

if you have time can you comment on my thread i really need help
ahashmi6 1 / 3 1  
Dec 20, 2012   #3
I think its absolutely great :)
you definitely address the prompt , and reveal as much as you can about yourself with a 1000 character limit
if you can, mention catching your teammates after throwing them in the air , you wouldn't want the admission officer to think you're making human pancakes ;)
weeyizhi /  
Dec 21, 2012   #4
You answer the prompt with precision. After reading your essay, I know that:
1. You're a person that never gives up and work really hard to achieve your target.
2. Cheerleading made you confident and willing to accept challenges.
I think your essay doesn't need any further revise. Unless you want to talk about trust and cooperation in the part you throw your friend 20 feet high (but I don't think there's any space left).
OP katev 18 / 120 24  
Dec 21, 2012   #5
Thank you all so much for your meaningful feedback! I've rearranged some words so I can include the fact that I do catch my teammates as well, haha

I stood as a lone freshman in a gym full of high-flying, far more experienced cheerleaders. After hours of waiting, I performed my routine for the judges. However, despite my best efforts, I did not make the cheerleading team that year. Devastated, I took a chance and called the coach to ask how I could improve for next year. Heeding her advice, I spent my sophomore year training everyday. When tryouts arrived again, I knew I was well prepared. I could not have foreseen the impact that cheerleading would have on my life when I tried out for that second time. Now everyday I can bring excitement to stands full of hundreds of people. I have become a more confident person by taking on new mental and physical challenges, such as throwing my teammate 20 feet into the air to have her land in my trusted grip. I realize now that it was my initial failure, my courage to call the coach, and my tenacity to try out again that gave me two years of cheerleading that I would have never wanted to miss.

I'll be sure to look at all of your entries as well!


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