Hey guys! I would appreciate any feedback on the following essay, and will critique your essays in return.
In addition to curriculum, grades and activities, Dickinson's Admissions Committee looks for purpose, potential and self-reflection. Explain why you have chosen to apply to Dickinson and how your interests, talents and goals fit with Dickinson's distinctive character. (No word limit)
In 1915, drawing inspiration from the indecisiveness of his friend Edward Thomas during their long walks, Robert Frost penned the beautiful poem, "The Road Not Taken". In December 2013, I arrived at a crossroads of my own - whether to spend substantial time and money applying to universities in the US, or focus solely on preparing for the IIT-JEE examination. After careful consideration, I convinced myself and my parents that the Indian post-secondary education system, with its sheer focus on grades and lack of flexibility with regards to choosing one's major, could not do justice to my varied interests; thus began my search for the perfect American college.
I could of course give a host of reasons why Dickinson is a great match for me - I could say that with 2300 students it is big enough to have a healthy diversity of ideas but small enough to allow intimate relationships; I could say that the brilliant long-term study abroad programs would not only allow me to experience life abroad, but to really breathe in different cultures and lifestyles; I could say that access to a plethora of active clubs would let me explore various interests and develop into a well-rounded citizen with informed opinions - but that is not why I chose Dickinson. What cinched the deal for me were its commitment to environmental integration and its devotion to community empowerment. After spending countless hours on the internet - browsing through hundreds of photos and student accounts on 'Student Stories', reading post after post on 'College Confidential', and devouring every message on the Dickinson sub-reddit - I am now more confident than ever that a Dickinson education would give me every opportunity to grow into a well-rounded individual and positively contribute to society.
Dickinson's webpage on sustainability sums up my belief system pretty well - "We change the world by starting with our own backyard." In this regard, the College's promise to involve every member of its local community speaks to me at a very basal level. By joining the Dickinson Friends club, I want to interact with the less fortunate members of society and help them get a little nearer to their dreams. Service Trips would give me the opportunity to learn about the problems of disparate communities and how they deal with them in their own novel ways. On the other hand, working at the College Farm with the many passionate souls, learning about everything from rotational grazing to solar panel installation, would be an incredible learning. The Treehouse project also appeals to me due to its freedom to experiment and the chance to learn collaboratively - about composting and vermiculture, soap-making and vegetable preservation. Reading their posts on Facebook, one cannot help but feel their enthusiasm and energy, and this has only made me more fervent to participate in this awesome culture of sustainable living!
In addition, I am confident that I would be able to contribute positively to the Fitness Club, owing to my extensive experience with yoga and karate; at the same time joining the Ski and Snowboard Club would help me learn a new sport and make new friends. Browsing through the list of student-run clubs at Dickinson, I was surprised to notice the absence of any body for enthusiasts of radio-controlled machines. Last year, with the help of my elder brother, I assembled and flew my very own quad-copter, and that feeling of joy still remains with me. If admitted, I would love to form a 'Dickinson RC Club' and introduce my peers to this wonderful and fulfilling hobby.
I am the first person in my family to apply to an American university, let alone one as selective as Dickinson. Understandably, my parents are anxious. I on the other hand, am hopeful; unfazed even. I am confident that four years down the line, when I look back and see 17 year-old me proofreading this essay for the umpteenth time, I can smile a content man's smile, happy that I took the path less traveled.
Outstanding essay! Really. I did not notice anything major, according to what I feel that are major errors. I believe this essay is good to submit. You talked about your goals and even what you can present to them with introducing a RC club. Amazing writing.
