Rochester University Transfer Supplemet:
February 2015 saw global, record-breaking low temperatures in the Eastern US and Rochester. Students here who thrive in white winters (and three beautiful other seasons) wonder how can you make Rochester ''ever-cooler?'' (max 250 words)
Looking out the window of her room, the little girl started to wonder if the sky was really blue. Because it seemed to her, that at different moments, it looked green, and other times, even blushed in different shades of purple and pink. She wondered why others would call it a "blue sky" when the description, unjustly so, overlooked the variety of other colors that decorated the sky as well.
Time passed and the little girl became not so little anymore. And along the way, she had learned about the many things that made this world a wonderful place. She became best friends with a Maori and learned English in New Zealand. She developed a love for Chinese people and eating mixian (rice noodles) with them after church. She learned to balance her Korean ideal of "bbali-bbali" (quickly, quickly) and the importance to be "jai-yen" (calm) by the Thai people. She realized, by living in many cultures, that the world was beautifully colorful because of the differences it encompassed.
And she never wanted to go back to when she thought the sky was only blue. She found a desire to share this truth to those around her as well, wherever she went. And whether her future destination was urban or rural, foreign or familiar, hot or cold, she knew her passion for cultural communication would make the place "ever-cooler."
Any comments on grammar, sentence structure, flow, organization, etc. will be appreciated.
Especially if you think I answered the prompt about how I could make Rochester "ever-cooler" (I am hoping to exude an image of someone passionate about facilitating positive global communication....)
Hi Sol, there's no question that you have a good approach in the essay and in answering the prompt, well the prompt is unique on its own and of course the essay should be unique as well. However, I believe the essay should still be geared towards the intention of the essay and that is, to be a part of the institution known for its own rights.
What I'm saying is that, I love the way your essay is written, it is creative and as I said it has a different approach than all the other essays I have read. This is a good one, however, I believe that the main mission for this essay is to make sure that you elaborate your willingness, interest and your great passion in becoming a part of the Rochester family.
Now, I would not want you to revise the entire essay but I suggest that you put great emphasis in the part where you talk about the collaboration of nature and academics.
I hope I was able to help.
