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ROLE MODEL: prompt of my own design


pds2027 2 / 3 1  
Sep 22, 2017   #1
Written for the Common App; prompt of my own choice. mostly just looking for help correct grammar, spelling, punctuation mistakes that I haven't noticed myself!! thanks

Lauren Morelli is my role model



I often feel as stuck now as I did when I was 13, the only difference being that I now have a role model; someone who, though she doesn't know it, inspires me simply by being herself. Lauren Morelli is a writer, producer, and the person I admire the most. Not only am I inspired by her bravery and impressed by her personal experiences, I am also motivated daily by her talent in an industry that I am most passionate about.
For as long as I can remember I have questioned my sexuality and often felt frustrated by the thought of being categorized and labelled: straight, lesbian, or bi-sexual? Growing up in a small, sheltered town, I was rarely exposed to diversity - except for when my family, who aren't at all prejudiced, went on holiday. When I was younger and just starting to think about what sexuality meant, I had the recurring thought that if I'd had someone to look up to, a role model who I could talk to, I would have been able to understand and accept my feelings; but I didn't.
As my generation got older we learned, without anyone having to say anything directly homophobic, that women date, marry and have babies with men - because that's just what you do. With this being the concept that surrounded me as I grew up, I struggled to verbally express my thoughts about liking both boys and girls, except for once when I was 13. I told two of my closest friends that it had crossed my mind, but it quickly became another moment that people didn't want to think about. I went through high school hearing students make obnoxious comments about homosexuality, all the while thinking to myself 'what if they knew they were actually talking about me?' A year later, my 'friend' said to me, while laughing hysterically, "remember that time you thought you were a lesbian?" I now wonder whether that was my chance to properly verbalize my feelings, but alongside an awkward giggle, I said "yeah."
Lauren Morelli's story of having the courage to put her own happiness first - coming out as a lesbian at the age of 30, while writing for 'Orange Is The New Black', and after marrying her husband - inspires me daily, and reminds me that nothing can ever become more important than happiness. As well as being someone I personally admire, Lauren's success in her career regularly motivates me to put everything I have into everything I do, so that I can one day create art equally as brilliant as hers. My main admiration for Lauren lies in her courage and bravery. She's not afraid to admit that although she is entirely grateful and content with who she is, coming out was a terrifying and horrible experience she had to face. Now five years later, she is out, proud, and happily married to her wife - a position in which I aspire to one day be. Each time I see her posts on social media I gain a little more self confidence, and come closer to a future of being entirely comfortable with who I am. Like so many others, I constantly worry about what outsiders might think of me, and I still run away from the idea of having to talk about my sexuality, but Lauren's story has taught me that there shouldn't be any pressure. It's okay not to be entirely sure of who I am or what I want; the way I live my life is up to me and no one else.
I'm definitely still confused, but I'm no longer terrified of saying that. I'm still scared of being honest with myself and with others, but my excitement buries those fears. I've stopped worrying about whether I end up loving men or women, and started looking forward to a future of simply being happy.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,797 4780  
Sep 22, 2017   #2
Petra, before you worry about any grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes in your essay, you must first, separate the essay into paragraphs in order to make it easier to read. Right now, you have one totally tight representation of various topics in one paragraph. That makes it extremely difficult to follow and also, prevents a proof-reader from easily spotting any mistakes, as your mentioned, within your paper. What I did notice though, is that you often forgot to hit the space bar when you are starting a new sentence. Start with the paragraph format first and then work your way onto the word spacing problem. When you complete that reformatting, you should be able to spot any other problems with the paper on your own. By the way, it would be nice if you could write a prompt for your discussion topic so that the reviewer will know what the central theme of your essay is going to be. I think that you should first, discuss the confusion you felt, then introduce your role model, and only after that should you discuss how this person inspired you. The essay discussion is currently hard to follow because your topics seem to be atop each other. If you outline the discussion first, you should be able to come up with a smoother presentation flow for the final format. Everything you are saying should make better sense and be easier to follow in that revised format.
OP pds2027 2 / 3 1  
Sep 29, 2017   #3
@Holt
Thank you!!!


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