A Rooftop Garden+Back to NYC+Why Communications-NYU Supplement

Hey everyone!
I would really appreciate any feedback/ constructive criticism on my NYU Supplement responses as far as grammar, punctuation, content etc.
Each supplement has a 500 character word limit so I really need help on choosing what to cut out
Thanks :)

Please tell us what led you to select both your anticipated academic area(s) of study and the NYU school / college / program or the Abu Dhabi campus. What interests you most about your intended discipline? Mention any extracurricular or non-school-related activities or experiences that demonstrate your interest.

- Whether it's viewing television media or reading the written word in newspapers, my passion for communication is continuously reinforced. An initial avid interest led to becoming a staff writer for my school's newspaper. This enjoyable exposure fed my fervor toward the journalistic approach of communication. The Steinhardt School of NYU offers the opportunity to fulfill my hunger for more contact with the elements of communication. As a student within the Media Culture and Communication program, I would possess the tools needed to gain a dynamic understanding of written communication's prevalence within communities of the world.

If you had the opportunity to bring any person -- past or present, fictional or nonfictional -- to a place that is special to you (your hometown or country, a favorite location, etc), who would you bring and why? Tell us what you would share with that person.

- Smack in the middle of the city, we are on the beautiful rooftop garden situated on 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Gazing into the street, I recall passing through the flagpoles traveling to my father's job feeling the pulsating energy of New York, where I first formed this powerful connection to the city I still feel today. Overlooking the metropolis with Tina Fey, I ask her if she knows that she is a role model for many people. With her unmistakable wit, I imagine she would answer, "...essentially, I was just trying to make them like me". I go on to reveal that her writing for television inspired my future career goals because I admire the refreshing talent and unyielding creativity she brings to her multitude of projects.

OR
- In the beautiful rooftop garden of Rockefeller Plaza, I recall traveling to my father's job feeling the pulsating energy of New York. Overlooking the metropolis, I ask Tina Fey if she knows that she is a role model for many people. With her unmistakable wit, I imagine she would answer, "Yeah, it's tough being smart and sexy, too." In the midst of laughter I cannot help but look up at the figure of a woman whose unyielding talent and creativity has inspired me to pursue a career in writing.

NYU is 'In and of the City' and 'In and of the World.' What does the concept of a global network university mean to you? How do you think studying in New York City, Abu Dhabi, or one of NYU's global sites would change you as a person and equip you to build cross-cultural relationships at NYU and beyond?

- Having lived in this Mecca of multiculturalism, New York University represents the culmination of different ideas, outlooks, and attitudes that have made New York City the site for global interaction. The ability to study abroad would enable me to gain a dynamic view of the world, a critical asset to be held in my desired career. The chance to study in the city that I was born in would allow me to further my understanding of what it means to be a member of this ever-growing metropolis.

I find the first answer to the second question much better because it flows nicely. For the third question you could elaborate on how studying abroad would help you in your career field (assuming that your original response is less than 500 characters).

Ha ha, great word choice. The first sentence should always smack the reader.


If you use the word figure after the sexy comment, it seems like the essay is all about her figure.
I like the first one, 'make them like me,' because it is more thoughtful. Great choice!! You know, Tina Fey is a role model for all people, not just girls. :-)

:-)