Okay so the prompt was to write to my roommate a few things I'd like to share about myself and this is what I came up with
Growing up in the suburbs of Staten Island introduced me to white neighbors, pizza on the weekends, and a regular American childhood. I need not explain how different my childhood became when my family and I moved to Cairo, Egypt, my father's homeland. Every weekend became a weekend of loud music, eccentric foods, and Egyptian humor that could not resemble American humor any less. Being a teenager in Cairo sadly limited my acquaintances to only Egyptians but did not limit my cravings of diversity. I was always on the hunt for different and, what seemed to me at the time, exotic people. I had by then learned Arabic on top of English and was tackling the language spreading like wildfire: French. My friends, as diversely limited as myself, were amazed at my mother's weekly servings of tacos and Mexican dishes, always astounded by the fact that there was a Mexican in Egypt! For senior year, my parents decided to relocate us to New York City, the most diverse city in the world. Since I landed, I have been eagerly adapting to my surroundings and embracing the different races that surround me. I have even set a new goal for myself: to learn at least 3 more languages by the time I'll be thirty. So you see, I am astonished by different cultures and all they have to offer. The languages, music, food, and personalities certain cultures generate fascination in me and, being the kind of person who must experience to learn, I am more than excited to learn and attempt to live the lives of different people. As my roommate, if you can offer any sort of background you can vividly describe, I will be more than happy to listen, learn, and live your lifestyle with you. In return, I'll teach you Arabic, how to belly dance, and even cook you the best cuisine Egyptian food has to offer. I'll explain how to pronounce certain French words and describe to you the special occasions Mexico celebrates. I'll take you to all the exotic restaurants I can find in Boston and introduce to you all the different people I hope to meet throughout our college years. Growing up in a diverse household in a not so diverse country has built up in me the need to explore all the countries and cultures the world has to offer. Coming to America has made me realize the beauty there is in differences. You will come to realize that I am a vigorous person whose energy is hard to kill. I will drag you to the most bizarre shows, unexpected places, and unforgettable experiences. My goal throughout our four years together, is to create memories with diverse people doing extraordinary things that will become stories for our children to enjoy and look forward to imitating.
General feedback on grammar, content, and if I'm missing anything will help! The deadline's almost here and I really want to get into this uni!
Any criticism at all would help! I'll correct essays in return!
Thankyouuu! :)
Great essay! It's different than most "Dear roommate" letters I've read. You are able to talk about how events in the past led to you seeking and doing the things you love, which make up your personality. Rather than telling me about your habits and the things you like to do, you include why your passionate about diversity and how you have developed your skills. I like it a lot!
Overall, it's great, and I don't think anything needs to be changed. :)
And thank you so much for looking at my essay, it helped A LOT!
Good essay overall (: all I have to say is that I think you may be using I, me, and my a tad bit too much. Try restructuring your essay a tad because it sounds just a little redundant. make sure you also spell out numbers less than ten(: and create paragraphs (: Maybe you could include more description in your experiences as well.
Best of luck (:
