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Roommate to learn from + Intellectual "Environmental Engineering" Essays


ramiss 3 / 4  
Dec 31, 2010   #1
These are due soon so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I think mainly I'd need help to check with the flow and how well I answered each question. Thanks a bunch!

Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. (250 words, 1800 characters)

To Future Roommate,
I hope you don't mind a bit of noise. Yeah, you're looking at your aspiring one-man-garage-band right here. I'm in the early stages, of course, but who knows what one could accomplish with a guitar and keyboard. Oh, did I mention I'm a music fanatic? Call me a concert jockey if you will, but having San Francisco nearby is like a musical haven to me.

A few of my hobbies may seem a little, well, unique. I used to be a bit of a techno freak and I still enjoy to tecktonik. You probably don't know what that is, but it's a French electronic dance movement; quite the crave over there. Also, I'll admit it; I'm your pitch-crippled shower singer, so tune me out in the mornings.

Don't take things too seriously around me. I'm laidback and always optimistic, but I know how to throw in some good laughs. Most importantly, I'm not afraid to laugh at myself.

Here it comes, brace yourself. I'm proudly Lebanese so be prepared to learn some Arabic and experience some Mediterranean flavors. That is if I can ever learn to cook properly. My mother is an incredible cook though, and I'll promise to bring some of her homemade falafel, koosa, and shawarma back from San Diego.

The opportunity of having a roommate is a meaningful experience in itself, and I hope to learn from your culture and knowledge just as I shall share mine.

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging. (250 words, 1800 characters)

I adjusted the projector, attempting to pick up a few recognizable words of Spanish peripherally. I was assisting the BioShaft representatives in presenting the wastewater technology to the executive of the Mazatlan International Center. The green technology offered the center the opportunity to treat its wastewater to the point where there is no sludge, no smell, and the gold mine to the executive, a useable effluent water. The potential to use the treated water as irrigation became an effort to save money from expensive, pumped-in city water. The problem: the convention center only had enough waste to run the system during events with sporadic amounts of people. The solution: why not extract wastewater from the city line and use the treated water to irrigate the entire property.

I am inspired by the power of such green technologies to seemingly reverse the trend of modern degradation patterns. Instead of augmenting environmental problems, they empower the concept of creating sustainability, a crucial aspect to repairing and preventing further damage to the world. Such technology additionally provides environmental and humanitarian solutions, ultimately satisfying economical endeavors.

My internship experience also exposed the power of nature's self-provided solutions, for the BioShaft treatment system itself mimics a river's natural process. Nature and its cycles are driven by an eclectic mix of interactions, creating a harmonious sustainability. Human activities have disturbed these cycles, but by studying natural processes, mankind may one day discover nature's resolutions to alternative energy and global, environmental problems.
CrimeanGurl 1 / 17  
Dec 31, 2010   #2
I love your roommate essay
The second one is good but I feel that the last paragraph is out of place - sounds like an afterthought
knattagh 3 / 13  
Jan 2, 2011   #3
"To the executive" shouldn't it be "an executive" or "executives"

I would change...

I am inspired by the power of such green technologies to seemingly reverse the trend of modern degradation patterns.

to...

I am inspired by the power of such green technologies which have the potential(or another word synonymous to potential since u used it already) to reverse the trend of modern degradation patterns.

In this sentence...

The green technology offered the center the opportunity to treat its wastewater to the point where there is no sludge, no smell, and the gold mine to the executive, a useable effluent water.

I believe that the "the point" is unnecessary. Is there a more scientific word for sludge?

I do not understand the end of the last sentence

also, its nice to throw in a 3 or 4 word sentence in.

I agree with the gurl, your first one is awesome. For the second one...I think you might want to rewrite it. I feel that it can be better.

Good luck my friend,


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