Write a letter to your first-year roommate at Babson. Tell him or her what it will be like to live with you, why you chose Babson, and what you are looking forward to the most in college.
My future roommate,
First and foremost, I would like to congratulate you on your admission into the prestigious Babson College. Completing four extensive years of high school has proven arduous, yet our unyielding work ethic has finally paid off. As told by my father, college is a joyous time in which you are granted the opportunity to leave home and live independently. Through this autonomous lifestyle, we shall cultivate crucial skills and abilities that determine our prosperity as adults. Even with such a perfectly sized student community attending Babson, I still believe in the importance of mutual friendship amongst roommates.
In my modest self image, I am an outgoing and conscientious person who enjoys the occasional challenge found in new opportunities. I believe that Babson will provide perfect examples of these, as its campus offers such a vast amount of exciting activities. With a campus as large as Babson's, I may need a couple days to familiarize myself with the structural layout. This reminds me of my freshman year while enrolled at St. John's Prep, as I consistently tested myself to discern the curriculums taught in each building. While Algebra and Spanish were taught in Xavier Hall, English and World History remained in Benjamin Hall. Rather than focus on the designated curriculums, however, I sought vindication for the buildings' names. Its history dates back to 1891, when the Xaverian Brothers purchased the Spring family estate and converted it into a religious learning institute. Aspiring to follow in St. Francis Xavier's footsteps, the campus saw additional construction through Brother Benjamin in 1916. His vision was simple: "the full and harmonious development of all the faculties that are distinctive of a person recognizing that learning is an instrument of education, not its end."
Considering both of us have chosen Babson as our respective college, it seems obvious that we share an interest for learning. Following Brother Benjamin's philosophy of education through dedicated teachers, I selected Babson for its genial atmosphere and strong academic prominence. While researching colleges a few months ago, I found myself enthralled by Babson's five exemplary values. Integrity, diversity, innovation, collaboration, and excellence each represent a different element of my harmonious nature. With the moral integrity to excel in my greatest endeavors, I find collaboration a vital component for innovating new ideas and methods to succeed. Having attended a Catholic high school with a Jewish background, I believe that diversity is absolutely necessary for our society's ascension into unity.
While we already realize the impact that Babson will have on our future, we must also comprehend our potential ability to change Babson. We must grasp every opportunity that Babson offers and never take one for granted. I look forward to the friendships I will establish between my peers and professors. They will constitute new opportunities and allow me to take part in activities which will enhance my understanding of the world and, more importantly, myself.
Sincerely,
Louis
the fist sentence is brilliant. I like it, it made me smile.
In your second paragraph, adding your experiences in high school was good but it struck me as a bit off track. I recommend that you shorten it or add a better transition.
"harmonious nature" your vocabulary is very nice but this seems like your trying a bit too hard. it flows very nicely but if you use too many of these "big" word it makes you sound insincere
besides these minuscule problems, i thought the essay was fantastic. You did a great job!
