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RRR's IBA program; Motivation letter for applying university.

lunarfox 1 / 1  
Jan 17, 2013   #1
hi I'm an university student in korea.
I can speak english but I'm not that good at using grammar in writing.
is there anyone who may check and correct my english in this letter?
if you think strange or feels awkward with some part, just tell me everything.
this is an important letter in my life.
so please help me to correct it.
thank you!


Dear Sir or Madam
I'm a university student in South Korea (Rep. of Korea) and I'm glad that I can apply to RRR's IBA program. Thanks for the opportunity.

First of all, I want to say about my educational background for your additional information.
From preschool to middle school, I was in the same education program which every Korean had to take but after that I went to a Foreign Language High school in 000 (Dept. English and Japanese). Foreign Language High schools in Korea is highly selective and hard to get good grades and this was my start point of desire to be an international person. However, unfortunately my father was failed to run his factory by conflagration when I was in the end of freshmen. So, I transfer to a regular high school which called Dongincheon High School.

After I had graduated from high school, I entered 'GGG' -college of business administration. In GGG, I learned basic of business and OA. Because I got good grade in first semester, I got a qualification to go SSS, which is best university in Korea, as an exchange student so I went there for 1 year. From 2nd semester, I learned more advanced subjects like Marketing, Accounting, Economics and Leadership by highly renowned professors in Korea. It is difficult to get good grades in SSS. There are a lot of works and hard exams so the student has to be a high performer and intelligent person to win the race. (High schools and Universities in Korea are using relative evaluation.) However, I got quite good grades, maybe you can find it in my transcript, in there. During this time, I also did some side work like; a voluntary service which was taking care of mentally handicapped people and worked in F1 Korean grand prix 2010 as a communication chief. The work was not that hard but it was a meaningful activity for me in that times.

When it turned to 4th semester for me (fall of 2011), I went to OOO's department of economics as a regular international exchange student for 1 year. It was a difficult decision since there had had radiation problem, riskiness of earthquake and national conflict with territorial and historical problems but I decided by myself to go even though people said to not go. As long as I had a desire to be an international person, anybody couldn't stop me to go as a first step for it and I knew a theory about 'High risk, high return' so I knew that it would be a chance to high return. Therefore, I learned and live in Osaka with Japanese language and I met many international friends. So, I learned in Japanese and English in university and I live in dormitory with English to communicate with my friends. In here, I was a kind of person who arbitrate language problem and conflict between dorm officer and residents because there was only one man who can speak both Japanese and English. Eventually, I succeed in enhancing my language skills and learning Japan's economic, business. Furthermore I learned how to deal with multicultural people's conflict by my situation in the international dormitory.

Secondly, I want to tell about my reasons to go for RRR's IBA program.
Since I graduated from high school, I have been eager after to go university which is in abroad. In Korea, many people, who want to study abroad, are choosing US but there are many professors who already done his/her study in US. They already have taught students with textbook from US and their style but I have wanted to learn more globally. Because I already tried East Asian (Korea, Japan) and US (indirectly), I have been thinking to go Europe to learn their Business style and want to study in international environment and Actually, I've almost done my self-study about business administration in Korean style because I've interested in enterprises. Even I've already tried investment since third-grade of high school. - I have 4 years of stock exchange experience - so I was trying to understand finance, accounting information, industries etc.

Anyhow, I think International business is significant area in these days. Advent of globalization is making things different today. Companies can't maintain 'going concern' without considering world market. As long as People and things can go anywhere and internet is exist, the meaning of 'country' looks like going to be disappear in business. There are so many international enterprises in this world but I think that this 'international enterprise' will be a meaningless word soon because every business is trying to be an international enterprise so in the end, every students, who are trying to study business, are have to learn international business and that's why that I want to study international business in international environment.

Then, why did I choose a school in Dutch?
When I was in Osaka, I met many international people from EU. Among them, I met few Dutch friends and we spend lots of time together. All of them were so nice and kind. After they realize that I planning to go abroad, they recommended me to go Netherland because of reasonable tuition fees, full English courses and nice life.

In addition, I have wanted to be a person who can speak 4 languages. Even though I am a trilingual, there are many competitors in the world. Besides, I think that language is a door which is connected to another chance. So I want to make more options by making many chances.

And why am I chose RRR?
I was looking for a school by the reason that I described on above, which is certified and well-known with their program, in Europe. Then, I found RRR by an information brochure about business schools in internet. And moreover, RRR has a bachelor program in international business. I thought that this program is totally fit to me and the school is accredited globally so when I want to get a job or go MBA in world I can prove myself with RRR's IBA if I graduated from the school.

In the end, I want to tell you about my future plan after graduation.
There are two ways. As a first way, I'll go army as an officer to try my leadership that I learned in SSS and maybe RRR. I want to apply it to army and see what happens to prove it and as a deep study. After that, I will go business school for MBA degree because I want to confirm my studies by debating with professors and colleagues in there. When I done my MBA courses, I may go for be a professor or get a desk in international enterprise or will establish a company.

As a second way, I will normally get a job in an international enterprise but in a branch which is in developing country to get rid of poverty by making sustainable change in poverty. Once upon a time in Korea, when Korean War had stopped, there was poorest country in the world. However, the country changed to a country which has world's 15th big GDP number and it happens by companies which were inside and outside of Korea. I believe that it could be happens in other developing countries and I think that I have to pay back what Korea received in the past as a Korean by working in developing countries.

No matter which way that I going to take, I want to be a person who contribute to business administration scientifically and socially. No matter what would be big or small. This is my career aspiration.

Thanks for reading this long motivation letter.
I believe I will be a valuable student in your school with my background experience and as a high performer with passion.
I look forward to being at RRR in this September.
Thanks again about giving me a chance to apply and your virtual info session that I joined before.

Sincerely yours
vietukr 1 / 2 1  
Jan 18, 2013   #2
Secondly, I want to tell about my reasons to go for RRR's IBA program.

I think that : tell sb about sth.

I'll go army as an officer to try my leadership that I learned in SSS and maybe RRR. I want to apply it to army

Do not write 'll---> should write I will or I am going to
Also it should be go into army or join the army

In my opinion, you should use a good dictionary like as CALD which will help you to write the collocation.
Good luck in school :)
happy_bons - / 10 7  
Jan 18, 2013   #3
Hi lunarfox,

I would be willing to help you with this, but I can't tell what program it is for. Also, was there an essay prompt? What is the purpose of the letter? If you can give me further details, my feedback would be better. Thanks!
OP lunarfox 1 / 1  
Jan 19, 2013   #4
oh, sorry about that.
I forgot to write it.
here is more information about motivation letter
the motivation letter had to be included
1. The international background you have, including nationality, place of birth or residence, previous education, international experience
2. Why you want to enrol in the International Business Administration program
3. Why you choose our university
4. Your career aspirations

there is no essay prompt and this letter is for applying to IBA Bachelor program.
thanks to your pointing out my mistake.
if you need more information, just let me know.
I'm looking forward to see your feed back. :)

To 'vietukr'

Thanks for your correction and advice!
I will apply it to my motivation letter.

Good luck with yours too!

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