Hi everyone.
i am new here and need your advice on the below motivational letter.
thanks in anticipation.
Pa-rth Foundation Scholarship Motivational Letter
Why do you chose to study Nursing and how will you give back to your community after a degree in Nursing.
Minimum of one page.
I am applying for the Pa-rth Foundation Scholarship Program. Presently, i am a post senior secondary school science student, working towards a bachelor's degree in nursing. A passion for science is not usually the main force behind my decision to pursuer nursing, but rather something that compliment my desire to help others. Throughout my life, i have participated in extracurricular activities including valuable volunteer experience. I have striven for academic excellence, always wishing to make the most out of my education. In addition, volunteering 30 hours a week. I am committed and will strive for excellence to making my time as an undergraduate as productive and beneficial as possible.
Education has always been an important aspect of my life. While in secondary school, I managed to take challenging subjects such as Further Mathematic, Physics, Chemistry and Biology, and also took first in biology competition in the Inter School Community Competition, the price was geared towards the payment of my West African Senior School Certificate Exam (WASSCE) . I joined the School football team, as the captain, i make out time to pass information across to my fellow team mates. I enjoyed playing wing seven and despite the time consuming training, I was able to make a CGPA of 4.05, accounting 81% of my academic performance.
Not only was i involved in academic activities, I also work as a school cleaner, approximately 6 hours a week. After two academic section, I was promoted to a key holding position, where I supervise the other employees. This has taught me much about myself and others. I have learned how to work hard and how to motivate others.
In addition to my employment, I continue to volunteer for community services. I assisted in a kindergarten class every Saturday at Little Angels Home. I have tied shoes, put on name tags, sang songs and help the children make apple muffins. I help the teacher with lessons, art projects, supervising during "play time", testing and many other aspects of a carrier I hope to have one day. I am also involved with my local church, i teach catechism classes of 3-6 year old kids. When other teachers are unable to teach Sunday classes, i do not hesitate to their aid. I have participated in church clean up, nursery duty and choir as well. I feel that by aiding in church related activities, I am setting a positive example within the church to follow. This is the most rewording experience at this point in my life.
Furthermore, I am involved in a Community Health Development Program. We were taught maintaining healthy environment and how to promoting good health in my community. I was voted to lead a team of seven persons to educate Amadulu-Umuevulike Ukopi clan in my community. I took the task and led the team. Within the available evidence, I draw my hypothesis that my community Ukopi Ekwegbe, is ignorance of keeping a healthy life, as modern medicine is the enemy of most people in my community. Looking forward, this raised a quest in me to pursue a curse in Nursing. A profession which makes sure and guide patient to achieving a better health.
Citing from a vivid incidence, my grand¬father was diagnosed of diabetes mellitus. He was ignorance to adhere to the prescription of the physician. To stop eating carbohydrate food as this could worsen his situation and may course death. Out of ignorance, he stopped taking his drugs and continue to eat a lot of carbohydrate. I took time to research on diabetes mellitus and taught him the need to adhere to the physician instructions. He listened, and never stop telling people how my supportive advice made him to be in good health.
In addition, a set of family in my community, will always despise the use of modern medicine, but rather continue to go herbal in medication. I advised them on the implication of herbal drugs as most of the herbal drugs can cause liver, kidney problem and stomach ulceration. And can cause death, as herbal drugs do not have dosage.
I am committed to give back to my community, after a Bachelor's degree in nursing and participating in the Pa-rth Foundation Scholarship Program, in the bellows:
I will present health material on framework for healthy living and health choice. I will conduct sex and HIV education classes in school and village square. This is aimed to preventing unwanted pregnancy, spread of sexual transmitted disease. I will hold seminar and classes on diabetic management. This aims for preventive healthcare.
In addition, I will join a group of health researchers. To collect useful evidence to execute a positive change for better health. This is done to validate funding for health programs, reduced inequality in health care and increase access to services. I will use evidence collected in research to implement policy and quality based practice. I will lead collective effort to produce successful health and social service in my country/community.
Also, I will take part in prenatal care, educate expectant mothers on maternal nutrition, referrals for childbirth classes and postpartum assistance. This provides parents with information on proper childhood development and discipline technics.
Furthermore, I will advocate on the local, state and federal level in my country to provide better access to health. Protect funding for health programs, by eliminating health disparities. I will arrange assistance through social service program. Such as the Special Supplement Nutrition Program for Woman, Infants and Children (WIC). This will help provide health and material services for low-income pregnant women, breast feeding mother and children under age 5.
I would like to thank you in advance for considering my application.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Idogwu, your essay only responds properly to the second half of the essay which is all about how you will give back to your community. You can keep that part of the presentation intact and attach it to the revised first part of your essay response. The main problem with your first part is that you do not really explain your motivation for becoming a nurse. You are only offering an academic biography to the reviewer, that does not include an explanation of how your interest in nursing developed and why you are driven to pursue it as a full-time career. The first 4 paragraphs of your essay should therefore, be removed and replaced with a more appropriate presentation.
You can use your experience as a member of the community health development program to answer the question as to why you want to study nursing instead, Explain how this participation of yours led to your interest in becoming a nurse. What type of medical participation did you have that encouraged you to look into a nursing career? You can even use that participation as the reason as to why you want to become a nurse. Just fully explain how your community badly needs medical care and becoming a nurse is the fastest way you can think of helping your community. Then, you can present how your desire to help others medically was further fueled by the experience of your grandfather and how your desire to help him medically saved his life. These would be the more valid reasons as to why you would desire to become a nurse.
