Hi guys, I would really appreciate it if you could edit my essay. Right now it's past the word limit, so I'd like to know what I could/should cut out, and what I can improve on. Please tear it up!
2. Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better.
Dear roommie,
I love rubber bands. They're elastic, multipurpose, and surprisingly accurate when aimed at an unsuspecting target. As with rubber bands, I snap right back to action regardless of any challenges or setbacks. Life is too short to fixate on what wasn't; instead, I like to move on to what could be. Flexibility is my forte; stretching, twisting, adapting...you name it. I'm no ordinary rubber band either, for I don't become brittle over time. I'm part of the new generation of rubber bands that self-heal when broken, and the material can be easily recycled and decomposed, so it's environmentally friendly to boot.
I'll apologize in advance if you're a neat freak; feel free to let me know when my undecipherable doodles, issues of Discover and Juxtapoz, and late-night snacks encroach your perimeter of habitation. Otherwise, I wouldn't mind if our dividing line blurred, yours becoming mine, and mine yours, as I'm always open to broadening my views and taking up new interests.
I'm most alive during the tranquility of darkness. I don't know what it is - the moments of beautiful, complete silence, the realization that only you and a few strangers out there are sharing this time of the day, or just the feeling of conquering nature's biological clock - that makes the hours after 3 AM so invigorating. Usually I have headphones on, listening to synthesized rain and wielding a paintbrush or a pencil, engrossed in putting my imagination on paper. As extroverted as I am, I need moments of solitude, as it gives me time to reflect on who I am and what kind of person I want to be, because as you know, the only thing constant in the world is change. I hope you remember your first impression of me, because at the end of the year I'm curious to see how much we've grown.
LOVED THIS.
great job.
i loved the symbolism of a rubberband. I loved the description you used for being messy and how you like the night. Try to elaborate more on that one, like what about the night is invigorating, try to make it seem like you won't bother them if they want to get some sleep, because you'll be in your own world.
GOOD LUCK HOPE YOU GET IN
hey if you need to shorten it I think you should reword this sentence or just throw it out "I'm no ordinary rubber band either, for I don't become brittle over time.I'm part of the new generation of rubber bands that self-heal when broken, and the material can be easily recycled and decomposed, so it's environmentally friendly to boot." its kind of confusing" ...but other than that it is an amazing essay i loved it.
It's really good! I feel like I get a good sense of who you are.
Thanks for your suggestions, however, is it too disjoint? Are the topics mentioned too all over the place, or is it fine that way?
i think you need to say like
sincerely stephanie or something
LOL
but you may wanna take out:
Usually I have headphones on, listening to synthesized rain and wielding a paintbrush or a pencil, engrossed in putting my imagination on paper.
and see where it puts you with the word limit. or try cutting down this sentence:
don't know what it is - the moments of beautiful, complete silence, the realization that only you and a few strangers out there are sharing this time of the day, or just the feeling of conquering nature's biological clock - that makes the hours after 3 AM so invigorating.
very good job. the best stanford roommate essay i've read.
:)
i know you'd like to read some criticism, but i honestly dont have any. ;D
goodluck!!!
***please read my common app essay!!!
