This essay is for the "Choose any topic" Common App Prompt:
Run
Thump, thump, thump.
Nothing but the repetitive sound of two pairs of shoes against the hard cement grounds. I and my companion had been running for 20 minutes, but had only finished a fourth of our self-determined track. Glancing at my friend, I noticed his dripping sweat in the shady streetlights.
"Are you okay? We could take a break."
He had his headphones on but I'm sure he could still hear my question. Receiving no answer, I turned my attention to the surroundings. There were almost no traffic left, as we lived in a thinly-populated area and it was quite late. Looking straight ahead, I could see no one, just a streak of grey that seemed to run on endlessly...
Huff, huff, huff...
Muffled breaths. The longer we ran, the harder it was to breathe. Sweat trickled across my forehead, down my nose and into my lips. Salty.
"Half...way..."
My running mate only uttered two syllables, because it was foolish to waste our energy on trivial talks. We had reached our destination, so it was time to turn back. There was a lot of distance left, but I couldn't feel my legs anymore. My lungs were on fire, and it felt as if there was a baby kicking in my tummy. I held out my tongue like an eager dog, desperate for some moisture in the air. My vision began to blur...
The memories of my primary school days began to overcome me. I was by far the fattest kid in my class, because of my habit of devouring a huge bowl of Vietnamese pho at 11pm every day and my abhorrence of any exercise more intense than walking up the stairs. Similar to the scene in Lord of the Flies, my friends always called me Piggy instead of my real name. They often mimicked my movements and mocked me behind my back, even when they knew that I could hear them perfectly well.
"Dude he's so fat his ass takes up two seats!"
To this day, those voices and laughter still echoed in my ears...
I opened my eyes. Suddenly I could see. I could see my goal in the distance, how it was waiting for me to reach it. The soreness intensified after every step, but I would much rather endure the pain of discipline than suffer the pain of regret. I wasn't running a race and there was no cheering audience, but it didn't matter. I was giving every single ounce of effort in my body to change and become the person that I wanted to be, and that's what important.
Knowing that, I let out a smile of satisfaction.
Reaching the destination, I collapsed in the grass nearby, soaked in sweat but filled with pride. My friend reached me a few seconds later, panting heavily, but still had enough energy to say:
"Dude... another round... tomorrow?"
Down in the grass and looking up, I grinned:
"You're on!"
Do you guys think this topic is a little bit too cliche? I'd be really grateful if you guys could give me your feedback. Thank you!
Thank you reidabook!
1) I was afraid so too, but this is already 500-word long. Do you think I should achieve that by cutting out some descriptions and add in more mental aspects when running?
2) Does this have any potential or should I just scrap it?
Comments are appreciated!
You did very well using descriptive language in your essay, but unfortunately, colleges will want to read about more than just how being picked on during your adolescence made you want to become physically fit, which, in turn, fostered a love for running (or at least that is what I presume you were trying to get across). Keep some of the descriptive language, but focus more on the change you experienced as a person, the change from "Piggy" to the physically fit runner that you are today. And to make it even better, try to think of ways that running has influenced the rest of your life. Has it given you self-confidence? Determination? Perseverance? If so, have any of these characteristics inspired future goals or aspirations? Do you run competitively? Considering these questions will ultimately enhance your essay. Basically, take a step back and look at the broader picture. Good luck! AND PLEASE PROVIDE FEEDBACK FOR MY ESSAY!
