Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 4


"Running gave me perseverance" UC prompt 2


zling 2 / 9  
Nov 29, 2009   #1
In progress of writing. This is on my app, is it ok for me to write about it again? The server is lagging, so I might as well try to finish this... Do give feedback please?

I thought this while doing a warm up jog around the track field. I am a freshman. At the urging of Kristin, a sophomore friend, I decided to try out for track. Running couldn't be hard! I used to race with a close friend, and I won all the time. But as I ran around the track field, I began to wheeze. My pace slowed, and I could only watch helplessly as the experienced members of the team ran past me. Looking around, I saw others walking. They must have given up. Thoughts of giving up came into my mind as well... "No! I couldn't give up! It was only the first day!"

The next day was just as brutal. By the third day however, something strange was happening: I no longer felt my legs breaking, breathing became easier, and most of all, I was enjoying it. The running part of the team was divided into two groups: sprints and distances. At Kristin's advice, I went for distance running. Track season lasted about three months, and I could not believe (one would not believe) how many times I have thought of giving up. Discouraging thoughts manifested when we were doing some rigorous conditioning. But they never took over my body; I always persevered.

The next year, I was a sophomore. I looked forward to the approaching spring season; it meant that track was about to start soon. Kristin won't be joining this year, but I had new friends who will take up the challenge with me. My sophomore year of track was better than the first. Thanks to previous experience, my speed improved. Among the girls running distance this year, I was rather quick. There were about twenty of us, and on some running exercises, I was among the fifth or sixth girl to finish.

Running improved my self-esteem. I felt exhilaration, a sense of achievement, and pride every day after practice. I don't give up easily on anything now, thanks to the hardening experience in track. I continue to run on weekends; it is an instant mood booster, and helps jumpstart (should I put a space between the two words? or make it hyphenated?)my day.

Running used to be hard.
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 29, 2009   #2
I'm confused. . Running can't be hard! but it IS hard? try making sure you get the point across better. first para about a first day. make that clearer earlier in the para.

you would not believe how many times I have thought of giving up. D

informal use of YOU, please don't
manifested <word use. those thoughts crossed your mind...>
make the tense consistent. use PAST for most of it. and not a journal, unless you WANT that effect

This is on my app, is it ok for me to write about it again?

what do you mean?

focus more on how you are proud of this accomplishment/experience and how it shows who you are. a tad less on the running that don't mention perseverance/endurance.

Good luck
meisj0n 8 / 272 2  
Nov 30, 2009   #3
ok. thanks K C. it is ok... but try rephrasing so YOU don't have to?

and no, i don't think you are summarizing.. summarizing means spiting back out lists of activities
OP zling 2 / 9  
Nov 30, 2009   #4
it would be better if italics showed up. Do they show up on the real app page?
Anyway, I made a revision... at 362 words, maybe this is too short?!


Home / Undergraduate / "Running gave me perseverance" UC prompt 2
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳