Running has given me both physical and mental strength - College Admission Essay: Facing Adversity

Hello, please review my essay especially in search for grammatical errors or just ways that I can improve my writing.
Also, I need to write more for my third paragraph but I am unsure what else to add? please help!

Desire is the key to motivation, but determination and commitment as well as an unrelenting pursuit towards a goal is what will enable you to attain success. I have found this statement to be true through my one of my favorite extracurricular activities- running. Primarily, I enjoy the adrenalin rush when I am in the zone as well as the sense gratification when I perform well or reach a personal best time. I am thankful for the challenge these sports have given me because overcoming adversity has allowed my voyage of self- discovery.

My love for the running began when I joined the track team in sixth grade. In middle school, my main objective was to beat the girl racing beside me. My challenges and goals slightly shifted throughout my running career but it was not until my sophomore year when I was faced with hardship. It was my first year joining the varsity cross country team and I was enthusiastic for the season. The strenuous exercise in preparation for cross country ranged from timed sprints up a mountain to repeated circuit training. Although the practices were difficult, I was able to keep up with the senior girls while improving my time each race and qualifying for districts. At the last Saturday meet before districts, something did not feel right that morning- I assumed it was merely pre-race jitters. Seeing that my intuition was correct, my world came to a rapid halt when I severely sprained my ankle at the one mile mark of the course. Through my prevailing perseverance, I was able to complete the race. Emotions of frustration, disappointment and anger filled my thoughts as I was being carried off at the finish line. My season was over and I was unable to run at districts.

Despite my misfortune, I was thankful that the injury was not broken or a fracture. I began physical therapy visits weekly to rebuild and strengthen the ligaments that were stretched and torn. After three long months of nursing my sprained ankle, I was cleared to run again and began the journey of becoming back into running shape. I did not let my frustration defeat me when I was unable to perform at my peak. Although the sprain hindered my sophomore cross country season, it led me to become grateful for the ability to run. I made a decision to work harder and a commitment to pursue excellence in my athletics. By the spring of track season, I was a part of the girl's district relay team.

Running has given me both physical and mental strength. I managed to overcome the mental block I felt during my tribulation through the help of God and with the support and encouragement of my teammates. I can say with confidence that each individual has the willpower to let the trials of adversity either make or break you. Facing an obstacle is one thing, but overcoming the challenge is where character is built.

Bookreader, although your story about running and the way it helped you develop your character is interesting, it does not address the requirements of the essay application. There was no real adversity faced by you that you had to overcome in order to succeed. Running is all about mental strategy and physical stamina. Those two things and how you overcame them are not truly adversities. They are mere obstacles that you had to overcome in your quest to become a track winner. Adversity is something that blocks you from achieving your goals. It is something that is overcome either through perseverance, hard work or cunning and planning. That criteria does not exist in your essay.

I advise you not to waste your chance to show off your ability to overcome difficulty in your essay by using such a simple story. You did not truly have to overcome anything with regards to running from the way you told the story. A story that covers beating adversity would be the story of Oscar Pistorious as a runner. Your story is nowhere near that. So opt to tell a story that actually tells of a situation that you had to overcome. Racial prejudice, bullying, learning disabilities, and the like are examples of effective adversity essay topics that you can use.

I'm sorry, I forgot to include the actual prompt which is :What extracurricular activities do you participate and why? How have they challenged you?

I admit, I do need to add more to the story but I dont know how?

I understand why you chose to talk about the running and your sprain in the essay because of the provided prompt. That totally changes my point of view about your essay. The main theme of the essay is how you overcame your sprain in order to get back to running. So we should concentrate on that. Build up your essay by explaining the kind of practice that is involved in preparing for your competitions. Then explain how on the day of that particular competition, something just felt "off" which led to your injury. Describe the type of sprain that you experienced. What degree was it? Any fractures? How long were you off the field? What kind of therapy did you need to participate in so that you could properly heal and go back to running?

Towards the end, describe what it was like for you to go back to running after being away for so long. Explain the frustration that you felt at not being able to perform at your peak because you were nursing your sprained ankle. Then conclude by letting us know how you managed to overcome the mental block that existed for you at the time. The sense that you did not want to be injured again so at first, you were not giving yourself 100 % to running. Then close by telling us what happened to make you finally give your all the the sport that you love once again.

Bookreader, I made some revisions and suggestions to help improve your paper. I hope you find them useful :-)


- ... The sense of gratification when I perform well or beat my personal best time makes me thankful for the challenge that this sport has given me.People tend to think of runners as people who are relaxed and able to handle any stressful situation that comes his or her way. What they do not realize is that runners face adversity in the sport. This is an adversity that occurs each time we encounter even the slightest injury during a run.


- Don't insert being a love struck youth in the essay, it removes the impact of the message.
- ... when I was faced with adversity ... enthusiasticabout ...My intuition was right. I suffered a sprain at the one mile marker of the race. ...I ran through the pain, using perseverance to help me finish the course. I remember feeling frustrated, disappointment, and angry as I was carried off at the finish line, The season was over and I failed to qualify for the district runs.


- I immediately began physical therapy sessions to rebuild my strength and rehabilitate the stretched and torn ligaments that existed in my leg and ankle. Although it looked like I was facing a long road ahead of me before I could run again, even when people were telling me that it would be better if I stopped running because I was not good at it and would just get hurt again, I used my willpower to get over the adversities that existed before me. It is true, adversity build character and determination in a person. I was able to come back to the team for my sophomore year. I may not have performed at my peak but I was able to compete just the same. I was determined to get back in shape and compete. By spring that season, I was officially a part of the girls relay team.