lisad717 2 / 1 Nov 13, 2011 #1Any thoughts and opinion? please be harsh.Two hours a day, 6 days a week, running has completely taken over my life, and I have allowed it to. My knee has endured the constant striking of a hurdle leaving multicolored bruises, a muscle strain in my back from the inability to quit high jumping, and shin splints that have taken over my legs.Although running seems to have only caused me pain, I am unfamiliar with the term of quitting. I find to much joy in competing, finishing an intense workout, winning because my hard work during practice has paid off, and the lifelong friends I have made along the way. I run to escape reality, to cope with situations that deem stressful. Running has consumed the past four years of my life, and I have never regretted it for one moment.
rifatmursalin 13 / 36 Nov 13, 2011 #2Hey!Nice essay; it certainly shows your passion.A couple of suggestions:sixdays a week.I think you should start a new sentence with running.So, it should say:Two hours a day, six days a week. Running has completely..."I find too much joy in competing,""winning because my hard work during practice has paid off, and the lifelong friends I have made along the way."This doesn't make any sense. It's not coherent. The entire sentence is grammatically incorrect. Your ideas are good but you need to break them up and maybe, change the order. Stop trying to write complex-compound sentences. They come off as confusing. Make your thoughts short and sweet.As a final thought, put WHY you enjoy running. "To escape reality" isn't really impressive.. Say something like it gives you inner pleasure or something that truly highlights the passion you possess for running.I think your short-essay has the potential to be really great. Good luck!I'd appreciate any help with my Common App Essay. Thanks in advance :)
