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Running on our school's track every night; Rice short answer


mmhly2011 1 / 3  
Dec 25, 2013   #1
The 150 words activity essay.
Any comments will be appreciated!

Running on our school's track every night after the self-study period, I enjoy myself as a free spirit. Nothing would interrupt me. I am able to reflect what I have done today and plan for the upcoming day, or I will just let my mind go blank, releasing all the pressure and refreshing myself with each out breath, or sometimes I simply want to feel the physical exhaustion which will give me a sense of existence.

I run no matter the weather. I run no matter the season. It is a way to let me feel the change of the environment, such as temperature, humidity, wind, smell of the grass. Running enables me to detect the miniscule details in life.

Every time when I am tired, I tell myself "One meter more." , because I love pushing my limits and then realize there is no limits if I myself do not set them.

helloimyellow 9 / 25 3  
Dec 25, 2013   #2
Hi there,
Overall this is a decent essay! The topic is a bit commonplace but it still manages to reveal the passion you have for running. Feel free to keep whatever you prefer but there are a few small things I would change:

Running on our school's track every night after the self-study period, I enjoy myself as a free spirit. ("While running our our school's track...") Nothing would interrupt me. (if you're going to start off in present tense, make sure you maintain it! AKA "Nothing interrupts me.") I am able to reflect [on] what I have done today and plan for the upcoming day, or I will just let my mind go blank, releasing all the pressure and refreshing myself with each out breath, or sometimes I simply want to feel the physical exhaustion which will give me a sense of existence. (This sentence can be a bit of a run on...see if you can segment it somewhere?)

I run no matter the weather. I run no matter the season. It is a way to let me ("it is a way for me to feel..") feel the change of the environment ("changes in the environment" ), such as temperature, humidity, wind, [and the] smell of the grass. Running enables me to detect the miniscule (spelling: "minuscule") details in life.

Every time when (take out "when") I am tired, I tell myself "One meter more." ("One more meter"?) , because I love pushing my limits and then realize there is ("are") no limits if I myself do not set them.

^Just a couple proofreading things. I would also suggest to split up the last line.. Maybe turn it into:
Every time I am tired, I tell myself, "One more meter". Then I remember that I love pushing my limits only to realize that there are no limits unless I set them myself.

Not sure if that's more eloquent or more awkward...just a suggestion. Good luck!
OP mmhly2011 1 / 3  
Dec 26, 2013   #3
The 150 words activity essay. Please tell me which one is better?
Any comments will be appreciated!
I had seldom climbed mountains without stairs before I participated in the Arctic Expedition one year ago. Staring at the steep mountain covered with snow, I had never felt so hesitated whether I accepted the challenge or just waited at the bottom as our guide suggested. With a hope of not regretting for myself, I plucked up to join the climbing team. As I climbing higher, I felt dizzy and fell down for several times. The pain and exhaustion drove me to go back to the foot, but another voice that I should persevere my original choice even facing the difficulty impelled me to keep climbing. Finally, I got to the top of the mountain and heard the Arctic song which as if was telling me that nothing is insurmountable as long as I try hard. The only thing to overcome is my fear.

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Running on our school's track every night after the self-study period, I enjoy myself as a free spirit. Nothing would interrupt me. I am able to reflect what I have done today and plan for the upcoming day, or I will just let my mind go blank, releasing all the pressure and refreshing myself with each out breath, or sometimes I simply want to feel the physical exhaustion which will give me a sense of existence.

I run no matter the weather. I run no matter the season. It is a way to let me feel the change of the environment, such as temperature, humidity, wind, smell of the grass. Running enables me to detect the miniscule details in life.

Every time when I am tired, I tell myself "One meter more." , because I love pushing my limits and then realize there is no limits if I myself do not set them.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 26, 2013   #4
What is the prompt? I think it is better not to assume that everybody else knows the prompt; I mean just mentioning college wouldn't help people like me, because I am not familiar with prompts as per colleges. So there can be many others like me and if you don't have the prompt included in the essay, we would struggle in providing you with meaningful feedbacks.

:)
sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 26, 2013   #5
I had seldom climbed mountains without stairs before I participated in the Arctic Expedition one year ago. Staring at the steep mountain covered with snow, I had never felt so uncertain whether I should accept the challenge or just wait at the bottom as our guide suggested. With a hope of not regretting for myself, I joined the climbing team. As I climbed higher, I felt dizzy and fell down several times . The pain and exhaustion drove me to go back to the foot, but another voice that I should persevere compelled me to keep climbing. Finally, I got to the top of the mountain and heard the Arctic song which was telling me that nothing is insurmountable as long as I try hard. The only thing to overcome is my fear.

I like the first one. Please get it checked for grammar once.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Dec 30, 2013   #6
Running on our school's track every night after the self-study period, I enjoy myself as a free spirit. I enjoy myself as a free spirit. Nothing would interrupt me.

I take a run on our school's track every night after my self-study session. That is the moment I enjoy my free spirit and nothing would prevent me from this joy.

I prefer the first one to the second one. However, it is better you talk more about your experiences, achievements and what sort of knowledge and exposure you gain out of this activity.
Kanadec96 1 / 1  
Dec 30, 2013   #7
I agree with the post above. Second one pppeals me more


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