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"Running towards the goal with Football at my feet; MIT supplement essay; Pleasure


TAMEN 1 / 2  
Dec 25, 2012   #1
Hi,

I am filling my MIT pleasure supp and I came up with the following.
(I enjoy playing football/soccer)

"We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us something you do for the pleasure of it. (100 words of fewer)"

'Running towards the goal with the ball at my feet, I dribble two players, play a shot and it's a goal!!! Yes! I have done it; securing a crucial win for my team'. As the skipper, I have the responsibility of leading my team to victory. My team mates look up to me for directions, inspiration and this instills in me a sense of leadership. Part of being the captain is to control the team and bear the burden when the team loses, but the joy of winning the game is an 'out of this world' experience.

(97 words)
Please criticize and help to improve the essay.
abulkhair37 8 / 22  
Dec 25, 2012   #2
This is one of the extremely hard prompts because well you can't go over 100 words. But I really liked your answer as it talks about the activity and tells something about YOU. However, you should drop those two unnecessary exclamation points after goal.
OP TAMEN 1 / 2  
Dec 26, 2012   #3
Thanks for the comment. I will drop the two exclamations. But they don't take up space as words right?

I am not sure about the last sentence, any way it can be improved?


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