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'the rural countryside of Vietnam' - my grandfather made impact on my life

missmichelle 1 / 1  
Oct 5, 2011   #1
Hi everyone! I'm very new at this, so I'm not too sure how this all works. I am looking to apply for early admission to a university and would love some feedback on my first college essay! Please let me know what you think, and if it answers the prompt because I wasn't too sure I was completely answering it. Thanks so much!

Prompt: Write an essay in which you tell us about someone who has made an impact on your life and explain how and why this person is important to you.

In a person's lifetime, there are a myriad of people you encounter and receive the privilege to meet. However, there is always that one person who has the ability to change your whole perspective on life. In my case, I met this person the first day I was brought into this world. My grandfather. As a child, he has helped shape and mold me into the person I am today.

Coming from a middle class family in the rural countryside of Vietnam, my grandfather has big dreams to move into the city and become something bigger than just a common farm boy. He left home at a young age to pursue this dream; and when he became a teacher, he knew he had accomplished what he wanted in life-to help educate and mold children's minds. When he met my grandmother and began a family, everything seemed perfect. Everything changed when the Vietnam War began. After years of fighting and hardship, my grandfather knew there had to be a way to get out of the country in order to care for his family. More time passed, and he managed to escape Vietnam along with his immediate family of eight, and found refuge in Germany.

Everything he did, he did for his family; he taught me the value of selflessness. When it was time for my mother to marry, my grandfather used his savings to fulfill her dreams of starting a family as well. When I was born, my grandfather showered me with care and love. By the time I was one, we had received consent to move to the United States of America-where dreams were possible. My grandfather was overcome with joy, knowing his grandchildren would be able to grow up in a land of opportunity in which he never had the chance to do.

My grandfather overcame adversity; moving to a completely different country and knowing nothing of the culture or language. He was persistent, and never shrank back-instead he advocated for himself and set goals to learn new things every day. He in turn, taught me that anything is possible as long as you set your mind to it. Education has and always will be an extremely important aspect of his life, and throughout my childhood, that's what he would always preach to me about. "Study, do well, and it will all pay off in the end", was what he would tell me. I never really quite understood what he meant by this, and was oblivious of these small words-little did I know, I would come to follow and live by these very words.

My grandfather has and always will be my biggest role model; despite all of the hardships and challenges he faced throughout his life, he still kept his head up and moved forward. By studying his actions all of my life, I have great appreciation for all that he has done for my family; but I am especially grateful for all he has done for me. I don't know where I would be in life if it weren't for him by my side-pushing me to do the right thing and forging my path to success in life.
Rechy 11 / 73  
Oct 6, 2011   #2
You have a great writing style. The beginning really got me engrossed in the essay.
Which University are you applying to?
OP missmichelle 1 / 1  
Oct 6, 2011   #3
Thank you! I was worried it wouldn't be interesting enough.
I'm planning on applying to Texas A&M University.
Rechy 11 / 73  
Oct 6, 2011   #4
That's cool. I have a little suggestion----> You may consider writing more on your introductory paragraph.
Please leave reviews on my essays, it would be highly appreciated.

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