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"Russia: The coldness, polar bears, vodka, and Lenin or Stalin" - diversity


liya1993 1 / 1  
Dec 23, 2010   #1
Please help me and suggest what to change in essay generally and in grammar(especially punctuation). also, I am not sure about topic of essay - should I leave it about the diversity or choose a topic of my choice?

thank you so much!

prompt:A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.

The coldness, polar bears, vodka, and Lenin or Stalin - usually these are the words that people think of when they talk about Russia. Actually, it is not strange because people all over the world have similar associations about every country, but somehow, with every decade, people become less interested in other countries and their cultures.

For sure, sometimes I have such stereotypes too, but I always try to break them. Probably it's because of the place where I was raised. I grew up in a very unique, in some ways, part of Russia. Part that no one will ever say can be Russia. It is Kazan, the capital of Tatarstan, one of Russia's national republics. It's the place where East meets West, even if the city is situated in the middle of Russia's European part. I would never believe that the city can change the person and make him who he is, but when I look back I understand that Kazan made a great impact on me almost in everything. What I want to do in the future, where I want to study, basically who I am and a lot more - all it would be different, if I grew up in a different place.

Growing up in the city where half of population is Muslim but you can't say it by the way they look, where churches stand near mosques but people are still like one, gave me a lot of tolerance, wisdom, and understanding, broadened my horizons and made me very open-minded person. I was talking in two languages since I was born, Russian and Tatar. I grew up in a moderate Muslim family but I was always free to choose my religious preferences. Mixture of Russian and Tatar traditions really made my childhood unique. I have started learning English since I was six, and for a long time I hated my parents for making me do that - it wasn't easy to learn a new language. Only later I understood how lucky I was because not everyone has a chance to learn the new language at that age. Later I started to learn German and Spanish and it helped me to understand that all languages have similarities and the world is united. In high school I became Future Leaders Exchange Program scholar, program that funded by U.S. Department of State, and spent a year in American high school. I got separated from my sister-twin and it was sad, but now I think that it just helped us to become more independent from each other and become who we are. After all that I have had experienced in my life, I want to connect my life with international relationships. Of course, the city where I was raised played a significant role in my decision.

Kazan is the place where you can find diversity in everything - in people, in their opinions, cultures and traditions, in everyday life situations and in the atmosphere of the city. The city is like a melting pot, where everyone can find what he wants. I will always have the diversity that this city gave me and I will always share it with others. All life experience that I have had helped me to understand that the diversity is the only one thing that all people have in common but, unfortunately, not everyone know how to share it or show it to others.

tbvjaos555 7 / 11  
Dec 23, 2010   #2
It is good though, keep it and try to avoid using same words :D
thimmaiah 4 / 5  
Dec 23, 2010   #3
nicely written and yes u were right.
the first thing(s) that comes to mind about Russia is the coldness, polar bears, vodka, and Lenin/
Stalin.

you haveexplained your diversity nicelly and i think the essay is great
Ender 2 / 17  
Dec 23, 2010   #4
Growing up in the city where half of population is Muslim but you can't say it by the way they look, where churches stand near mosques but people are still like one, gave me a lot of tolerance, wisdom, and understanding, broadened my horizons and made me very open-minded person.

I think this sentence should be fixed for coherency. perhaps break it down into smaller sentences..

Maybe something like this:
Growing up in the city where half of population is Muslim, churches stand near mosques but people are still like one. It gave me a lot of tolerance, wisdom, and understanding, broadened my horizons and made me very open-minded person.

Nice essay!
oOCiCiOo 6 / 8  
Dec 24, 2010   #5
When you mention you learn English, why dont you say that english opened you a door to another culture, other than Russian and Muslim?^^
OP liya1993 1 / 1  
Dec 24, 2010   #6
oOCiCiOo, dont you think saying that i became an exchnage student wouldnt be enough for them?
i'll try to add something, thanks
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 4, 2011   #7
I think you need to add another sentence to the end of the first paragraph, and make it a thesis statement that expresses the main idea of the essay. Also, it will be great if you discuss the concept called 'heuristics.' A heuristic is what we call a 'rule of thumb,' which just means that you make your life easier by acting according to general rules that are true in MOST, but not ALL situations. A heuristic is like a stereotype... not always appropriate, but often useful. Heuristics are good for use in one's work, but when you use heuristics about groups of people, it is a stereotype. Also, it undermines the sacredness of the human spirit.

Google this: heuristic


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