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Rutgers Admission Essay-benefit from and contribute to an environment


arnoldv 1 / 2  
Nov 3, 2009   #1
Prompt:Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 4000 characters including spaces.

Friday night football games on Joseph J. DeVirgilio field, Jim's Burger Haven, and the Hazlet Multiplex reign supreme in the Monmouth County town where I am from. From this you can predict that Hazlet is not the most exciting place and is lacking some variety. When I found out that the Rutgers' population was one of the most ethnically and culturally diverse I was quite intrigued. Rather than only being diverse, I discovered that Rutgers was ranked one of the Best Northeastern Colleges by The Princeton Review. As a student at Rutgers, I would not only benefit socially in the environment but academically as well.

Like Rutgers I find myself to be unique, with my culture, academics and extracurriculars. Although I was born in the United States, I spent most of my first year of life in the Philippines; the place where my family originates from. My aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents still live in the Philippines today. That year with them was beneficial because at a very young age I was exposed to the Philippine culture and also I had a chance to be with my family. Having the chance to be travel back to the Philippines throughout my life, I have come to understand the values and the Philippine way of life. With my past experiences I feel I can contribute to the already diverse community at Rutgers.

Education was something my parents always stressed, especially on me. I had to work extremely hard in school to meet my parents standards. Being the middle child of three kids, I was overshadowed by siblings' achievements. My older brother graduated in the top of his high school class, was an Edward J. Blaustein scholar, received a bachelor's degree from The College of New Jersey, and is now going to Hofstra for law school. My younger sister, a sophomore in high school , goes to the Monmouth County Academy of Allied Health and Science. A vocational school with a rigorous curriculum and students have to apply and take a test if they want to be accepted. After applying their admissions office usually only picks one student from each town in Monmouth County to go to their school.

Then there is me. I go to the regular public high school in town. My grades were good enough to be ranked in the top 20 percent of my class. Unlike my siblings, I took part in athletics. As a freshman I participated in Outdoor Track. My sophomore year I continued running and joined Cross Country and Indoor Track, going through the ranks of JV and Varsity. My creativity was acknowledged by Creative Communications and I was awarded a certificate and publication for their poetry contest. Last spring I was inducted into the National Honor Society. I tutored elementary school students at Nutswamp Elementary School. Through our Clean Communities program my teammates and I help cleaned the environment. Thrown into all of this I also work as per diem receptionist at a nursing and rehabilitation center

By working at a health center and making trips to the athletic trainer, my interest in health sciences grew larger. Rutgers can help me on my journey in majoring in exercise science and later becoming a physical therapist.

still finishing it. help please. thanks.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 5, 2009   #2
You are not supposed to end sentences with prepositions, so ...

...in the Monmouth County town where I grew up.

comma:
and culturally diverse, I was quite intrigued.

You are starting to talk about all kinds of things. Stay focused:
How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment?

Name specific examples. Are you interested in learning more languages in order to use them when you practice medicine? Physicians need to understand cultural differences. Read an article about trans-cultural nursing, too, and maybe cite it. Your aspiration to be a physician makes it important for you to understand various cultures.

Talk about starting a community of students who want to promote inter-cultural harmony and understanding.
OP arnoldv 1 / 2  
Nov 5, 2009   #3
First, thanks for the advice I appreciate it. Second, I understand where you're coming from when you say to keep focused and name specific examples but is the rest of the essay alright? or is it just a complete mess.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 6, 2009   #4
No, not a mess! Your personality shows, in a way that I think the reader will enjoy.
OP arnoldv 1 / 2  
Nov 10, 2009   #5
alright im just having a problem of where to go from here. im talking about all kind of things but im not a mess you said. so should i keep all this and start talking about specific examples to answer the prompt or should i just start over with it?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 11, 2009   #6
Education was something my parents always stressed. especially on me . I had to work extremely hard in school to achieve my parents standards.

Instead of "meet" I changed it to "achieve"


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