I kind of wanted to go a different route from everyone else who wrote about their cultural/ethnic backgrounds (it's cool, but i wanted to stand out a little more, even though I love my Chineseness and all). I focused on how I never backed down from opportunities and how Rutgers would help me find even bigger and better ones to take advantage of.
Somehow it seems kind of blah.. and I'm afraid it doesn't answer the question? Are there things I could improve upon? And does it sound like I'm being totally cocky and egotistical? :(?
Any help would be grrrrreatly (tony the tiger!) appreciated! Thankyousomuch.
Prompt: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
Somehow, and in a matter of seconds, my feet flew up above my head and my lungs smacked against my ribcage as my back slammed onto the ground. I ended up staring straight up at the brilliant blue sky. Talk about a starry surprise. "She's a trooper," I heard someone say as I got up and walked to the bleachers with sparkles in my eyes. It turned out a herculean football player-slash-wrestler had smashed into me and flipped me over right when I was about to catch the frisbee. This is just one of the many perils of playing with all guys. At my school, I am the only female player on the ultimate frisbee team. I cannot throw as far or jump as high as my teammates, and sometimes I get slightly injured. However, my spirit is never defeated and I always maintain good sportsmanship. Being the only girl, I bring diversity and unique elements to the team, including helping others stay calm and focused by not becoming frustrated when we lose and boosting team spirit by providing encouragement.
On my journey from freshman to senior, I have taken advantage of many opportunities to enjoy and enrich my time during high school. Through it all, I've kept up an unwavering sense of determination and enthusiasm. This includes strutting down the catwalk in my handmade dress in the school's fashion show and then marching on to become co-president of the fashion club, being cut from the tennis team sophomore year but then fighting my way up and becoming captain of the Junior Varsity team the next year, juggling 110 hours of Emergency Medical Technician-Basic classes with my schoolwork and clubs, and more. For three years so far, I have had work experience, dealing with people of all ages in customer service as well as in educational instruction. Through my two jobs, I have refined the art of learning from mistakes, of multitasking, and of managing an assortment of customers. Holding the position of Vice President and now even President in the National Art Honor Society has also been extremely rewarding. It has helped hone my skills in organization, coordination, and leadership.
This medley of experiences illustrates that I am not one to shy away from trying new things or being unconventional. Rutgers is a bustling community of diversity where people of all ethnicities, religions, economic and social backgrounds, with a variety of interests and experiences, coexist and harmonize. Rutgers would present me with a whole new galaxy of opportunities-from those of the professional world provided by career fairs and the health professions office to the availability of almost every club and activity imaginable, from the nearly unlimited array of courses to the myriad of people. This could only help to cultivate my interests, foster the development of my education, and open the doors of possibility for me. At Rutgers, I would concurrently feel as if I were at home and away. I could find both people similar to me and people from the other side of the spectrum of life. Although I have trekked all over the United States and have explored countries like China and France, having the possibility to talk to people from all over the country and world will be different but enlightening. Everyday would pose as an opportunity to learn about people and the world, something especially valuable in my odyssey to become a physician. If given the opportunity to be a student at Rutgers, I would undoubtedly dedicate a complete and total effort into my education, inspire others to try new things, and actively participate in, and maybe eventually lead, a multitude of extracurricular activities including playing on the Rutgers women's ultimate frisbee team-hopefully with fewer accidents involving football playing wrestlers-turned-frisbee players.
Great Tony the Tiger reference. I love your username, too!
Your writing style reflects a super interesting personality. Hey, I don't know if it is better to to this or to do i the way you did:
It turned out that a Herculean football player/wrestler had...
Herculean is a good word.
At Rutgers, I would concurrently feel as if I were at home and away in the best way -I could find...
This is so good!! Please check out the EF_Contributor page, and help some other people learn to write like you do!!
I found myself staring straight up at the brilliant blue sky.----> end up staring up sounds funny.
I could find both people similar to me and people from the other side of the spectrum of life. I could meet people with whom I have much in common and people from the other side of life's spectrum.
That is just an idea I had; your way is okay, too!
Although I have trekked all over the United States and have explored countries like China and France, having the possibility to talk to people at your diverse institution from all over the country and world will be different but enlightening an excellent next step.
Every day is two words. (As one word, it is an adjective meaning daily.)Every day would pose...
