Rutger's essay prompt was: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.
I finished an essay, but I have no idea if it's good or unique enough. I really want to stand out and not write something typical that admissions officers would get from hundreds of students. Here it is:
" As a child I didn't simply look up to my older sister- I absolutely idolized her. Her enthusiasm for her community, particularly through art and music, has always been obvious. When I was dragged along to watch her perform in her high school band, I was fascinated. My summers were spent in the local art center while she taught classes, going through numerous canvases and tubes of acrylic paint. When I was a bit older, I joined her when she worked in a printmaking studio at college, learning about the processes of lithography and silk-screening. I wanted to know all that I could, hoping that I could be just like my sister one day. I distinctively remember the sketches and paintings that lined the walls of her room, and admiring the talent behind them. I knew from childhood that I wanted to make art a vital part of my life in some shape or form.
It was my sister's enthusiasm for what she loved that motivated me to connect with my inner passion for the arts. I realized that while it's crucial to well academically, it's beneficial to find what interests you and do as much as you can with it. At first, my family wasn't too thrilled with hearing me stumble through piano tunes, but with time and effort I gained more musical knowledge and talent. Years later, I'm a section leader in my high school marching band. I also pushed myself to become more fluent in art, whether it was by visiting museums or learning how to blend watercolors. I live for the gratification of finishing a painting and sharing it with others. These experiences made me realize the enjoyment I can get out of art, as well as taught me to appreciate all aspects of life. I know that the person I am in continually changing and molding into something new. The immense impact art has had on my life encourages me to continue my involvement throughout college. Rutgers seems like the ideal place to spread my wings.
Rutgers strikes me as a lively community, one with vast cultures and backgrounds. Everyone can share their own experiences and interests, putting a piece of themselves into the whole group. can truly thrive in this environment. Rutgers's vibrancy is something that captivates me and makes me question how I can contribute. I would have endless opportunities to continue my endeavors in art and music, as well as find other activities to spark my interest. I don't want to be a passive member of my community; I wish to immerse myself in as much as possible. As a student, I would love to have the chance to expand on my interests, participating in some of the many arts-related clubs and organizations. Rutgers can give me the platform to show myself to a broader audience and continue to vitalize my life through art, following in my sister's footsteps. I can offer my creativity to the diverse community of Rutgers. I am optimistic that I can leave an impression on others, creating an impact as great as the one my sister had on me. "
I have another idea for this essay, which would be how being a part of the lgbt community has made me realize the importance of open-mindedness and how I want to celebrate differences/diversity among people. I just don't know if it's "too sensitive" of a topic to bring up being gay. Should I stick with what I have or go that route?
Another thing to note is that I'm not overly worried about NOT getting into Rutgers. I have a good GPA, SAT score, etc. but I want to make sure my essay can make me really stand out. Thanks to anyone who replies!! :)
I think this is a good topic, but like the first person said I've learned way more about your sister than you. I understand you look up to her( I have a sister 3 years older than me and we are two peas in a pod!), but you should focus it more on you. Write about how her but then focus the topic on you and how you developed a strong passion for the music and arts( I also have an interest in the arts!). If you feel the LGBT essay will reveal more about YOU then choose that topic. I think you have a good essay but I don't learn a lot about you.
Rutgers seems like the ideal place to spread my wings.
Maybe instead say: Rutgers
is the ideal place to spread my wings.
I realized that while it's crucial to well academically
it's crucial to
do well
I wish to immerse myself in as much as possible.
Immerse yourself in what?
These are just a few things I saw grammar wise!
I wish you look in all of your writing!
