Any feedback would be much appreciated. Thanks!
"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?"
I can never forget day I laid my eyes upon the sad fate of a man struggling to survive; he sat on the corner of a busy street, his face tired and worn from hunger, a can sitting on one side of him with minimal change in it and on the other, a cardboard sign asking for donations for a medical bill. The sign needed no explanation; eyes were enough to witness the curse he had been given: an enormous tumor on his back. It frustrated me to know that there was only so much I could do and it angered me that he was not receiving any urgent medical treatment because he did not have the funds. Disturbed by this cruel reality, I walked over and dropped some money into the can, bitter that such a violation of human rights went by unnoticed by many.
At the start of my high school career, I took an Honors Social Science class that dealt with the current economic, social and political problems of the world. We traveled the globe learning about various political systems, economic policies, and the social cultures that each region's inhabitants shared. As I learned more and more about the social distresses that were taking place, human rights violations struck out to me to be the most devastating because they weren't caused by natural disaster like many of the other problems. These problems were avoidable and preventable.
Confused with where to start, and aware that I alone could not do much, I sought out local clubs and organizations to further educate myself in the field of human rights. I joined an organization named Amnesty International, an organization devoted to stand up against injustices against human rights and to educate the world about these natural given rights. Over the past three years, our school club has set up over twenty fundraisers to fund human rights causes like Save Darfur and other organizations to stop the use of child soldiers in third world countries. We also hold presentations during school and step into classrooms to spread awareness to human right injustices and to recruit other passionate students. We are around twenty members strong, and in early December, I will be handed the honor of being the next club president.
Just last year around Christmas time, I ran across an organization online named Samaritan's Purse. This organization created a program known as "Operation Christmas Child" which receives donations in the form of care packages to be sent to third world countries so that children will have toys and goodies on Christmas day. I encouraged the entire Amnesty club to participate, and now the donation of a care package around Christmas time is as traditional as the holiday itself.
I used to be tormented by my experience in China, but now I acknowledge the event as the springboard that led to my involvement as a humanitarian. I replaced my worry with action and I get a deep satisfaction knowing that actions as small as donating some of my time to help the welfare of others or spreading awareness of the cruelties around the country can slowly change the world. The work that I participated in helped me sympathize with those less fortunate than I and developed in me a sense of responsibility to help those in need.
Strong essay, I think you have answered the prompt ;)
This was very well written, and I enjoyed the opening paragraph very much. You were able to show yourself as a person who cares deeply for others and someone who is willing to take initiative in following your beliefs, Im sure that will shine through to the admin officers. Good luck!
Really good strong essay. It was creatively written. You miss the word the in the first sentence though.
very strong essay. good job
A few tiny things, otherwise, very good essay!
Christmastime is one word, I believe
I'm assuming the first paragraph took place in China based on what you said in the last paragraph, but it just kind of confused me when you mentioned China in the last paragraph.
very nice essay! good luck! :)
really nice essay except for a few grammar things
cheers
good luck !
Great job! This was definitely a pleasure to read. I am in the process of revising my personal statements as well and I wrote about something a little similar to this. Keep up the good work!
