Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. (650 word limit)
My essay:
The lights dim. One hundred and twenty pairs of curious eyes swivel to the screen as the camera pans to the left at a low angle capturing a room dimly lit by the soft blue glow of a computer screen. A scrunched face of a teenaged girl is fixated on the screen that glares back at her with equal disdain. A velvety voice (preferably Morgan Freeman's) seeps from the speakers and begins to narrate the story. Here, we have a special specimen called the high school senior. These irritable creatures sleep from as little as four to six hours a day and are prone to a disease known to many as "senioritis". This one in particular is engaged in a strenuous activity called college applications. The girl puts her face in her hands and sighs. Obviously stressed and under duress, this female will now attempt the arguably most difficult and longest act of the dreaded college application; the essay. The camera slowly circles around the girl until it is behind her and zooms into the light emanating from the laptop.
Black letters hug the screen, contrasting the blinding white of the background. The lenses focus in. It reads: "Film, cinema, movies, all these words mean one thing to me, and that is art. Living breathing moving art, so ingeniously intertwined with the artistry and guidance of brilliant directors and expression of talented actors. When done right and carefully planned, cinematic masterpieces are born.
It would be safe to say that I love film. Days of my life have been spent, not wasted, on simply watching and analyzing film. The stories, the imagination, the reality all blend together and it becomes part of who I am; each movie is ingrained into my memory. Cinema takes the profound dialogue in literature, the imagery and beauty of visual art, and the passion from music wrapping it all into one luscious symphony.
Movies are windows into worlds that never existed, but yet very revealing of the time period they were made in. They are historical snap shots that are forever imprinted into the memories of those who have watched them; telltales of the times that were, the times that could have been, and the times that were imagined. The feeling of being completely immersed in something you love is indescribable.
However, the most important reason why I love movies is because they represent who I am and my personality more than any other form of art. The first words ever synchronized in a motion picture were "Wait a minute, wait a minute, you ain't seen nothin' yet!" Although it was completely ad-libbed, it is such an iconic and a perfect way to mark the beginning of film. Few would have predicted the impact movies would have culturally, artistically, and politically. Just as the same, no one realizes what I truly am like until they take the time to "watch" me. As there is much more to movies than just big explosions and special effects on a screen, it is the same with me. An important goal I hold for myself is to influence everyone who has ever met me and show them the passion and joys in life. I want to be for people what movies have been for me; a constant eye-opening experience. This is who I am. So watch me." The camera slowly zooms out but still focuses on the last words. The girl sighs, stretches her arms above her head and yawns. The send button seems to get bigger and bigger. Deep breaths. Deep breaths. The cursor reluctantly slides over and clicks. It is done, the velvety voice sighs, now we wait . The ambient noise in the background is replaced by the growing sound of a nervously beating heart. As she slowly closes the lid of her laptop, the light fades to black. The beating continues and suddenly stops.
First of all, I really liked the intro as it set a dramatic setting. Create a new paragraph starting with "Here, we have a specimen..." Also, is this an attempt of having it narrated by Morgan Freeman? If so, quote it and later attribute the source of the voice.
I think the scene of having a teenage girl going through the college application process is creative, unique, and light-hearted, but I also have another suggestion which is: Maybe model your scene after a specific genre you're interested in (horror-- recreate a spooky scene, rom-com-- capturing the awkward essence of teenage love, etc) or maybe go behind the scenes of your favorite movie that sparked your interest in film to further establish your interest in film. Otherwise, the intro is definitely a memorable one.
Add a quotation after "...masterpieces are born."
I really like the paragraph after that one, maybe add a couple examples of films that have further defined what it means to you?
The first sentence "However, the most important..." does not really relate to the rest of the paragraph. use that sentence to go along with a news paragraph that includes "Just as the same,..." all the way to "so watch me." (also, take out the quotation mark you had there unless you were citing a film, then add proper quotation marks" And include that near the beginning after setting the stage for the character.
Give some background to the "Wait a minute.." by specifically naming the motion picture if possible.
New paragraph when going back the scene.
State your goals of what you plan to do with film because you only mentioned it once and that in itself needed a new paragraph for further explanation (I'm referring to "An important goal I hold...").
Sorry if this might be a confusing, I was editing while I was going over the essay. I think the main concern here that needs the most attention is the last huge paragraph you have which is all intertwined and just needed to be separated in elaborated on in separate paragraphs.
