Hi guys please help me proofread this Michigan essay :) Thanks a lot !
PROMPT : Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
5 P.M.
Narrow streets were packed with riders who spared not an opportunity to advance. Cars honked impatiently in a chaotic, distressing rhythm. Engine's heat completely engulfed the already humid atmosphere, making every minute on the wheels a test of endurance. Saigon at its peak hour was a nightmare to those who had never witnessed traffic jam in South East Asia. To its residents, however, escaping congestion had become a survival basis.
Like many Vietnamese kids, I became part of the riding culture the moment I turned legal. Years of travelling on the back of my father's bike had given me the confidence even without much training. After all, I had possibly been through everything on the road: jams, quarrels, accidents... Yet still, conquering traffic congestion by myself for the first time was a thrilling experience. Trapped within the herd of people frantically rushing home after work, I struggled to inch forward while fatigue sluiced through my body, wearing down every muscle. Together, the foul exhaust and the deafening roars of engines made ten minutes seemed like eternity. "Just a bit more", I thought while gazing at the empty pavement ahead. The timing was perfect. Tightening my grip on the handle, I inhaled a deep breath and rushed my iron steed up the concrete sidewalk. Air of triumph gushed down my suffocated lungs as I broke free from the swarm of vehicles. Where I belong, every minute was a struggle, but never once did the people fail to find a way out.
Engaging indeed. However, and I'm going to be blunt here, you really need to work on how that experience is important to you. From that, all I found was that you can be a bit of a risk taker and possibly kill yourself during a dangerous maneuver. I'd recommend you cut down half of this essay and instead focus on how that community changed you.
