Slowly, my friend drove me around the campus. "This is Sallyport Arch." said my friend, pointing to a tall building. "That's where freshmen enter and graduates leave the University". I got off the car and walked through the arch, imagining myself entering the Sallyport Arch as a freshman. Looking sideways, I can see the Lovett Hall stretching long. Looking ahead, I saw Mr. Rice's statue shining under the sun. "What a nice place to go to college!" I secretly told myself.
After I went back, I did an extensive research and found out that Rice not only has a wonderful campus environment, but also offers a supreme education opportunity. It has renowned faculty like Professor Michael Carroll. Rice's engineering undergraduate research can give me the opportunity to work closely with fellow students and professors and to get hand-on experience on how to do research. Furthermore, Rice's residential colleges, which are known for their diversity, will allow me to live in a distinctly defined community, combine study and social events, and above all, let me learn from my talented peers. Rice University will satiate all my needs, from thirst for knowledge to a vibrant community life.
This is my very first draft. Any comments or criticisms are welcomed!!
I think that you have a nice first draft. I think that the whole argument about research might be a little generic. Everyone knows that Rice University has a good engineering department as well as superb undergraduate research but so does a couple of other colleges. You have to be more specific in some way. Overall, I like the direction of your essay!
Good job.
I agree with gemma2345 that maybe you could make it more personal.It's generic. It doesn't show "you" and "university", show how it special to you.
Just my suggestions, hope it could help.
Would you please help me with my essays? THX~
