Please tell me what you guys think, what i need to change? Is the essay even worth sending?
Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I come from the same world as many Latinos. The same communities as most Latino teenagers who's parents come from Mexico to the United States. People always hear the same stories about how Latinos live in communities with a lot of bad influences. How our parents came to the United States for their kids to have an opportunity of success in the Untied States. Unfortunately my community is one that faces these challenges in the city of Los Angeles. One of the biggest problems, my community faces is the lack of students who go to college. Students who graduate high school and have a successful job. I fell into the trap of thinking it was impossible to go to college, that only rich white kids go to college, and us minorities end up working manual jobs our whole lives. The people I associated with didn't even know what college was until the second semester of junior year. They felt college wasn't for us Latinos, the fear of getting looked down upon or being rejected from that community. Their ideas stuck to me, and I just followed along, I had nowhere to go. I was confused on what I had to do so I stuck to becoming a high school graduate and start working my life away after that. Everything changed when a school councilor changed the way I viewed college and my future plan. Chad Batner opened my eyes, gave me a wake up call and told me college is possible no matter what ethnic background you come from. Once he got me on the track to go to college, I started to think more socially and community wise. Many teenagers started to get into gangs, work 9-5 jobs, or have kids at a very young age. I did not want to live a life of misery, I wanted of life of success. I want college to be able to help me to get the benefits to help my community, I want to be able to help kids get into college, I want to be able to make a difference for not only one community but to many others. No one is there to help the people of America; no one is willing to give a hand at a certain extent for such a small matter. Once I got this mentality of how my community has changed me into the person I am today made me open my eyes more. The country faces such deficit with low money to the education system and a lot of money to the war of Iraq. Once I realized how the government is working, how the people are getting the end of the stick, I knew I wanted to be President of the United States one day. To help the American people and make them my top priority. To make education a need base for Americans. This is the goal I want to reach, the dream I want to live. I feel my generation isn't focused on these problems of the country or the world, and im willing to work hard to bring these problems to their attention, for them to see the ugly truth. My community changed my whole view of not only college but the country, to see how cruel and neglecting it is to minorities. To change the communities and country will be my life goal.
Nice job! This essay really works. A few things:
People always hear the same stories about how Latinos live in communities with a lot of bad influences.
What you are trying to say here: Latinos are stereotyped as underprivileged, uneducated, and low income. People imagine Latinos live in poor conditions, in dirty neighborhoods, with bad people, drugs and gang activity.
They felt college wasn't for us Latinos, the fear of getting looked down upon or being rejected from that community. So in your community, there is a stigma attached to a very knowledgeable, well-educated person- like an assumption that they think they are better.
Once he got me on the track to go to college, I started to think more socially and community wise. I would re-word this sentence.
No one is there to help the people of America; no one is willing to give a hand at a certain extent for such a small matter.
This sentence is hard to understand.
The country faces such deficit with low money to the education system and a lot of money to the war of Iraq. You make a good point, but i would "upgrade" this sentence somehow to sound more mature.
