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"to satisfy my interests and academic hunger" - Transfer Common Application


uzb_ulugbek 2 / 4  
Jan 31, 2011   #1
Dear all, this is transfer essay for common application profile. Please! Check and give any feedbakc and I will do so to you! Thank you :)

I sit near the fire, and try to find reasons why I should not transfer my study. I count the reasons in my mind, good and safe place to study, good professors, and warm environment and what is more, my current institution is in my home country. I keep telling myself how Banking and Finance major is appropriate and can bring me bright future. I consider academic books and some assignments of higher courses as challenging in order not to lower my passion to challenges. I convince myself to the availability of sponsors to my study for the next academic year and breathe deeply. In the end of my thinking I can do nothing but think of better opportunities and open doors to my much better life path that can be found in a different educational institution.

For the sake of my parents' wish, I found myself in a strange interest area. Looking through the modules that we will take in further semesters, I find all of them out of my interest and lose my curiosity. Undeniably, all modules are to make a student a skilled and educated professional, if he/she has an interest in it, unfortunately, isolating me. One thought hits my mind,"that is not what I seek, that is not what I deserve." My interest is far from it, political science and I see very little link between Banking and Finance major and Political Science. I have surely determined my future into the Politics. I do not want to change it, because without determination and persistence there is no way to achieve my goals.

In the beginning of first semester, I met some challenges as I began learning totally strange field. Professors helped me to do better and the environment was warm enough. As time passed I began losing my passion to study, facing very little challenges. By the end of the semester, I found myself in a simple and dull educational place. In order not to lose my passion and academic thirst, I tried to face challenges outside of the institution, by taking part time job and participating in various out-of-study contests. However, when I enter the campus, I see myself in a turned over environment. That pisses me off and as soon as classes end I get out of the building as quickly as possible. I just can't keep living this way, so starting today I am breaking this case. I want a university that offers me the major that is in my interest and I am sure that I will face challenges by being among diversity of people and experiencing new educational system.

As it is said, "birds of a feather flock together." Here, in my current institute, I see myself being isolated academically by having a different academic interest. I strongly believe that transferring my study is a big chance to satisfy my interests and academic hunger. I am looking forward to experiencing a new, academically challenging environment in the USA and I am sure that your institution is a sole place for me where all the things that I need for are offered. From the day that you admit me as a student, the success story will begin, reaching all of my academic and personal objectives and I will become an experienced and skilled leader for politics sphere.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Feb 3, 2011   #2
I like that first sentence!! Great job... take out the comma, though:
I sit near the fire and try to find reasons why I should not transfer my study.

I count the reasons in my mind -- a good and safe place to study, good professors, a warm environment, and what is more, my current institution is in my home country.

Okay, and when you get to the end of the e first paragraph, replace this with a very interesting sentence that expresses the real reason, close to your heart, why you want to transfer. In the end of my thinking I can do nothing but think of better opportunities and open doors to my much better life path that can be found in a different educational institution. Not specific enough. Replace it with a cool reason the reader can wrap her mind around! :-) That means you should succinctly express the main reason. Can you find the words for it?

For the sake of my parents' wish, I found myself in a strange interest area. -----Another great sentence! But do this:
For the sake of my parents' wish, I found myself in a strange interest area: __________. (name it in this topic sentence for the paragraph.

:-)


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