I need to step back.
Standing on narrow street on steep mountain without railings, I looked around to see my surroundings. I raised my head and found sky, and I lowered my head and found sky as well. I had gone too far in my excitement of the sport.
A group of Korean with their safeties I met halfway had been already on their way back, so there was only me. The fact that wind rounded this mountain and didn't blow me off made me feel better. Here I was. High on the mountain, barehanded. I knew my geographical position. But on what altitude, how much altitude I had travelled, how much altitude I was going to travel, I had no idea. Considering that I had been safe for the road I travelled, I persuaded myself to go on. I wanted to stand taller in my own heart and prove I can do it. I always wanted to become a person who tackles the harshest problems and build new possibilities on man-less fields and unparalleled heights. Walking it is so much easier, and I shall not retreat.
Putting one hand on the rock and another hand in the air, I stepped on. I watchd my step, and it was easy. So when there was a gap between rocks, I saw it as well. The length of my feet, it would be modest to be called gap. I glanced through the gap, there was a little green through the thick mist. They should be forests, and I might have walked through them. My heart was jumping out of my throat, my limps were stiffened and sweating. My body had done the opposite of my orders from brain in similar situations. I stared at the gap.
It was ironical, after all the time I spent trying to explain what it means to be alive. I studied nihilism and went out to volunteering to find what life is and why I'm supposed to do. I went to internships and Liu Xiang Action because I need the responsibility for society. I strived to study better to be maximize my contribution to the world. And I read philosophy books to try to form my own value. But now, the sense of survival rose above all. I suddenly had this idea: I shall give it a bet. I shall give myself a chance to be great. I shall confront it and cross it.
After a long and tiring journey, I eventually climbed to the top. Relief, but no "hooray" as I was still clutching the rock tight. Here I saw the sky again. Light blue, with tons of mist. Vaguely, I saw other peaks around, lower, so I looked downward. I knew that there were thousands of people lining up for chained cars down there, but here, at this latitude, I was alone, and I was the only one. I felt nothing but pleasure. I stayed there and breathed for a while, and walked down .
This is one essay that I'm really uncertain about. I wanted to write on this topic for a long time but I still think it's a bit too risky. A friend even told me he couldn't understand it at all.
Please bring me critiques, harsh and explicit ones! I'll try my best to return favors!
Thanks in advance.
On the second paragraph, I believe it would be better if you change the word altitude, it can be confusing.
And the fourth paragraph is kind of confusing, it's hard to understand except for the flashback. What's ironical? what idea did you have? I think you need to fix the flow from the third to fourth paragraph.
Thank you! I always feel there's something wrong here but I couldn't tell clearly, Thanx for pointing out!
In return, I gave my advices to your Stanford essay. That one is great essay!
