SCARS; YALE Supp / say more about you

Please be as harsh as possible! I will appreciate every single word of your criticism!

Please reflect on something you would like us to know about you that we might not learn from the rest of your application-or on something that you would like to say more about. We ask that you limit your essay to fewer than 500 words.

"You were amazing, so take it easy and feel happy!"
My friend talked to me after I finished my impromptu speech in the final. I replied, "Not really, I did a poor job this time, honestly. It could have been much better."

What my friend said was true to some degree. Even though I did not win a medal, it was an honor to be in top five speakers qualified to compete, and it was well above my expectation. Many people in my position would be satisfied with the result and not be disappointed with the final round. However, I wasn't complacent.

I could not forget my final speech easily. I closed my eyes and rewound back to the moment when I picked up my impromptu topic. In slow motion, I observed my tensed body and soul. As I watched my own imaginary video, I was talking to myself:

"Why didn't I hesitate and be more careful about my topic selection?";
"I could have used this example!";
"Why didn't I explain the details at that moment?"
The three minutes of the speech stretched to thirty minutes on my 'video player'. Play, pause, rewind and replay, but no fast-forward. There was pain, the pain that squashed and squeezed my heart, shaking my head upside down. Not only my speech, but also speeches from others placed above me were recorded in my video player, so I could discover skills that the finalists used. For instance, I noticed that they approached to impromptu topics in creative ways, used famous quotes suitable to the topics and changed their tones efficiently. I bitterly acknowledged my competitor's superior performances.

Nevertheless, I did not unhealthily cling to my video player. After the sufficient re-evaluation, I decided to turn the player off. Then, I cheered myself, "Come on, I did quite well. This is the end of this competition, but I will have more opportunity. I can, no, I will do better next time!" Soon, the pain disappeared, and I found myself smiling again.

Sooner than I thought, a week after the final, I had the "opportunity" to redeem myself from the mistakes: Yale Model Government Europe. During YMGE, the lingering pain from the impromptu final emerged again and constantly awakened my mind and protected me from repeating the mistakes. Using both my strong techniques and newly learnt ones, I eventually won Outstanding Delegate award. My video player this time captured the sweetest moment, when hearing my name, I excitedly jumped to the front and shouted at myself, "yes, I did!"

Ironically, the disappointing memory of the impromptu final still resides in my heart, and that is not the only scar I have. Many other experiences, but the same kind, remain within myself as well. Nevertheless, I rather want to maintain those scars, because they push me to the way to top as vital engines of my life. With my lifetime scars, I will always stay hungry to achieve and learn more.

Thank you for reading and commenting in advance :)

I could not forget my final speech easily. I closed my eyes and rewound(rewind) back to the moment when I picked up my impromptu topic. In slow motion, I observed my tensed body and soul. As I watched my own imaginary video, I was talking to myself:

My video player this time captured the sweetest moment, when hearing my name, I excitedly jumped to the front and shouted at myself, "yes, I did!" (awkward sentence- I think it's suppose to say "Yes, I did it")

Thanks for grammar correction! Would you suggest any better expression than "Yes, I did it?" in that context?

I actually wanted to have some feedback on the content as well :)

But thank you!

Content wise you were pretty good. You may want to build up a little more suspense in this paragraph


to make it more apparent you took advantage of the opportunity. Talk a little bit more about your emotions. But hey it just a suggestion.

You mean, more dramatic and descriptive portrayal of my experience, right? I will try, thanks!

I liked your essay overall. My main common app essay is actually about Impromptu as well, except I live in Greece. Too bad mine's not uploaded, it would've been interesting to share opinions.

As for constructive criticism, I was a bit confused about the sentence in the last paragraph:


It took me a few tries to get what you're saying. Personally, I don't think you need the "but"
Good luck fellow Impromptu speaker!

Hi I'm working on my yale supplement too and surprisingly we have a same title lol~~~ ( though about different theme
overall speaking, your essay is written well and delivers a good message. However, my only concern is that haven't yale admission officers already read too many essays the same kind as yours? if they can guess the ending from the beginning, how are they supposed to remember you from so many applicants and accept you?

only some personal opinions haha~~~gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood luck~!!!!!!

1) Haha, good luck with your impromptu topic! It's life-changing experience ;)

2) Well, I think many other people might have written the same topic, but I hope my genuine voice will persuade them...
(Honestly, there are too many people who excessively exaggerate their stories... That's not my type of writing)
Cheers! Good luck with yours too! :)