Love your first sentence :)
5 minutes
Start this sentence with "Five" instead of "5".
*same rule goes for the next sentences!
Quickly, the ride takes off and goes higher and higher.
make this moment sound suspenseful and interesting! "the ride takes off and tugs me higher and higher in the air" maybe?
in my childhood,
"throughout my childhood"?
you may want to elaborate on how this event is significant to your life (but I dont know the prompt)
I would appreciate if you could critique my essay as well..thanks (: