i dont really enjoy the writing but i still have to write one for college... but anyway can people give me some feedback?
i think my essay is kinda long ( about 829 words), which of them you think are unnecessary that i should delete?
Should the rest of my essay focus more on the effect of the bus accident? the description of the accident is just too lengthy!!Topic: What is your most frightened experience?
I was falling, just seconds from crashing through the glass window of the school bus as it lurched to one side. When I was dismissed from school that afternoon, I was just another 13-year-old heading home, but a short time later, my life changed forever...
It was in June 2004, when I endured a school bus accident that nearly destroyed me. Before the accidence, I was an optimist who experienced fear only when watching a scary movie. During the struggle between life and death, I found out I was no longer optimistic, but a thoughtful and strong-willed warrior fighting for survival every second.
As the school bus rumbled into an underpass, my back stiffened at its shrill sound of metal scraping on metal. While we were sitting on the bus minding our own business, a gigantic thrust suddenly pitted us against each other from one side to another. Our school bus had bumped into a truck! The bus started wobbling uncontrollably until it hit the wall and began to turn over. I never felt so petrified in my life as I did the moment when the bus driver fell out of her seat and passed out. Wires started sizzling and spark flying, we all were screaming hysterically fumbling in darkness and managing to make it out. The world went topsy-turvy, but I tried to calm myself down in fright by repeating it over and over: It was just a little collision... I kept praying until the force of the bus was pushing my head as if lifting a feather, closer and closer to a window. Within seconds, I knew I was going to fly out. I stared at the window, contemplating how it was going to be until it cracked into pieces and cut me. Within just few seconds, I realized how fragile I actually was.
I was too frightful to think, however, all I wanted was to get out of the bus and arrive home. At that moment, I had never had such a vehement desire to be with my family and friends. I want to smell the perfume of my mother; hear my father's lecture lingering around, and the giggling of my friends. Every second I struggled, my nails dig deeper into the leather of the seat and the more I want to survive. Then, I fought the force that pushed my head into the window by pushing backwards against it; I fought and scrabbled for an emergency window. I fought against everything crazily until the emergency window was being pulled out and we were rescued by the people. When I got away, I only sensed my fatigued body, flashing lights and rushing people to the hospital...
For months after the bus accident, I shook whenever I saw a bus. Every time I woke up, I was incredibly relieved that I was still alive. Although I complained about the bus driver putting our lives at risk by driving too fast, without the bus accident I would never see self-growth: considerate, strong-willed and striving. After the accident, I grew to fear and worried that I subconsciously lost some of the spunk for taking challenges, but instead I started pondering more carefully about the lost and gain of every action I take. In negative ways, the bus accident weakened my sense of security and it haunted me all along my life since after. However, it reminded me of how strong-willed I am for surviving and how it possibly contribute to my survival in school and community. Each time when I faced with a problem, I will approach it with strong will and perseverance, just like the moment I felt a strong desire to live and struggled to find a way out. Meanwhile, I strived to work my best in both school and community. I became a camp counselor in boys & girls club and youth center, shared my own story while teaching the youths to be resolute and able to protect themselves in danger. Terror, although it existed whenever I retrospect to a bus accident, I will fight against it with a strong will.