School & Atlanta communities; Georgia Tech/ Contribution to community

Why are you interested in attending Georgia Tech and what do you hope to contribute to our community? (150 word limit)

I was born into a family of engineers, none of which have studied at Georgia Tech. I would like to follow in their footsteps by pursuing a career in engineering, but stray from the path when it comes to choice of school. Georgia Tech engineering is unparalleled. I would fit right into the highly competitive academic scene. I would take advantage of the extensive research materials available to me. I would get involved in both the school and Atlanta communities by joining service clubs and seeking out volunteer opportunities, a true passion of mine. Having lived in various places overseas, I would contribute to the already culturally diverse student body, and also learn from it. I look forward to proving to my family that one of the worst decisions of their engineering careers was not attending Georgia Tech.

Should I talk more about specific things I have done, or is it better to be vague? Also, I'm not sure if the "I would..." parts are too repetitive or if they work because they put emphasis on the list. I realize this is really last minute, so any help would be greatly appreciated! I've used 138 of the 150 words.

Personally I think that you should add one example of what kind of volunteering you have done in the past and liked. Besides for that its a very solid essay.

personally, i think you may quote some GT's program and discuss how it can benefit you to make your essay more specific :)

Georgia Tech engineering is unparalleled (give your reasons for this statement) I would take advantage of the extensive research materials available to me. (preferably, you should highlight a particular research program that draws you to Geargia tech)

I would get involved in both the school and Atlanta communities by joining service clubs and seeking out volunteer opportunities, a true passion of mine. (mention some previous volunteer activities of yours that demonstrate this passion rather than just stating that volunteering is a true passion of yours)And show clearly how you would contribute to the Georgia tech community,maybe you hope to start some club or do a particular research that on a topic or situation that makes you tick.

This essay is well written but vague.You should be more specific that would be a way better response.
I hope this helps.Good luck. ;)

This is the only sentence that talks about how you intend to contribute to their community. This is what they want to know about from your response. Therefore you need to have more emphasis on this fact.Tell it more convincingly with evidence if you have. The first few lines, in my view, are not necessary for this response. So I feel they can even be removed from your response.