Its a constant problem with threads in Essay Forum that people hide themselves. I have never understood that even after knowing that admission committee wants to know you as a person in the topic, everyone pretends to be something other than what they are. Who are you? What are your beliefs and values? What are your strengths? Are you witty or serious? What are your weakness that you acknowledge? None of which is answered clearly. People manage to do so, even in word constrain.
This essay reflects the same problem. I am not getting to know you as a person at all. You should be writing that you are pursuing XYZ major. I want to be a part of XYZ research. This shows you took pains to read their site and that shows you really love their site. Just words... well, a school kid writes like that. You are now, moving into college and should reflect mature writing in your essay.
Your first part is kind of generic. If you don't know what I mean, try and replace another college name into your essay and it still makes perfect sense.
Its a great review... and an excellent point.
Also,
Grammar is a also an issue. The first three lines are lame and grammatical incorrect.
Eight months until graduation, and my sisters old room is full of items that I have bought for college. I have everything from my comforter to kitchen ware all of my friends think I am insane for having all this already, but I am just excited and eager to go.
Instead of "until" write "from", "sister's","for MY college".
"I have BOUGHT".... After, Kitchen ware sentence needs to change.
"Having done all this".... these are the correction but personal suggestion, to change all this.
Why did fall in love should be answered? Don't just write it, prove it!
SECOND ESSAY...
it is
WHICH is...
from doing so many different activities I have learned so much.
This is wrong grammatically. Also, I don't think much of this thought. Maybe mention, your work better.
What job??? Employment is such a table spinner. If you are working its a great bonus and you have blurred the most important line here. Think about it and then re-draft the essay.
Hope this helps and keep working... Tell the essay something about you. :)