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School drum-call - the experiences which help me to grow up

Jenn12 1 / -  
May 11, 2019   #1
Tung Tung Tung...! I will never forget the first school drum-call when I came to grade 1 and the last one while finished my High School examination. The definite and familiar drum-call which is the beginning of all new journeys and turning points of my life. However, is this make people live hastily?

To be honest, I have sent a gap year to explore what is my strengths and weaknesses, what I desire to become in order to find a suitable way for myself. There are many people asked me why I choose to waste my time instead of studying at university then graduated like other friends. I was really nervous and puzzled even sometimes wonder if I am wrong. Looking at my friends who studied at university make me moved to tears. However, I strongly believe that I need to make my choice worthy. Regarding the post which I have read, "It turns out that adults are children who walk in the school, because of the drum-call then run disorderly in fear". The drum-call of 18, 25 or 30 years old are invisible pressure. The pressure of choosing a university and career than have good work in order to have a family are social norms which press against their shoulder - children who live in adults form.

Society always looks at the score to define a person and somehow it still happens when turning to work. They look at the salary to decide the personality of mortals. When I was 16, I had read a book called Slumdog Millionaire of Vikas Swarup - an Indian author. Incredibly, it really impressed me and directly influenced my destination. I still remember there was a quote in that book "Dream just only has power on our heads but money has power on other heads". I know money is really important but rather than money is how we control it instead of being controlled. If we use it effectively, its benefits can help not only us but also other people. In fact, I have always be inspired by this quote when choosing International Business Management because I want to create valuable things instead of just gaining profits. I hope to see my brainchild can bring the best service for people and make them satisfied. But I can understand clearly that if I want to fulfill my dream, I need to do and learn more. The more things I can learn, the more valuable things I can create.

Within the last 3 years, I have participated in some non-government organizations especially Project Sugar. Besides helping children in shelters to have a better life, I had a chance to learn soft skills such as team working, communication and organization management which seems to have a similar way in setting up and controlling a business that brings good value. I had always remembered the day when applying for Executive Committee position of Project Sugar. The tears on our president eyes were obsessing me. He said that he could see himself in us, the person who is enthusiast, innocent even pointless but never scared or give up. Moreover, he appreciated and hoped that even in the next 5 or 10 years we will have to think about "bread and butter" but we will keep this spirit and believe in ourselves. We both cried when listening to him because we can realize his love for this organization and people in here. I did not know that a person can cry, hurt and dedicate for an organization even it does not bring any salaries or assets. The only precious property is people and the value that we try to create every day. We believe that we have the same purpose and need to fight for it - the visible thing that can change our mind in a positive way.

Fortunately, I have many chances to discuss with leaders who have the ability to inspire others even in Sugar or until now is AIESEC, they always give me the belief of a person who I want to become and the working environment which I want to create in the future. Professional - Equity - Development. I believe that everything is originated by small steps. By focusing on the way my leader behave, I can learn the way that he takes care and appreciates members also how he communicates and supports them. This position is not easy because of its responsibility and loneliness but after all, it is worthy. Therefore, to achieve this position, I am trying to improve my ability and develop what I have such as empathy, analytics, and self-awareness.

Sometimes, everyone will hear their drum-call appear in their heart. No matter what it is, I will always turn it into my motivation and try to become the best version of myself instead of the pressure which can prevent me from striving for my life-long dream.

Maria - / 1,099 389  
May 11, 2019   #2
While I think that the introduction is creative, I also believe that balancing that creativity with being formal is key. You can be descriptive and relay these important events without necessarily losing focus of an overall tone that is appropriate for the entirety of your essay. I would recommend that you try to be wary of this as you are revising.

Be wary of your sentence construction. Try to evade being too complex to avoid potential mistakes. Having simplified organic messages is key to having better overall content. Having said that, I would recommend that you try to integrate techniques to make your content concise and straightforward. While storytelling requires that you become detailed, this should also mean that you know how to pick information that would be necessary to develop your story.

Furthermore, I also recommend that you try to restructure and reorganize your essay. I have noticed that you have a tendency to have cluttered thoughts in your essay.

Best of luck!

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