Can anyone give me suggestions for my first essay, "Describe the world you come from- for example, your family, community, or school- and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations"? I had quite some trouble writing it in the first place, so it would be a major help if at least someone would look at it.
The outside world is dog-eat-dog, they say. It is absolutely necessary to prepare for that harsh reality after several secure years of high school. What is learned today will build the foundation for your life after high school. Pay attention and try hard, lectured our well-learned sophomore Chemistry teacher. At least he was right about one thing when he said what we learn now will push us on through college and beyond. No one knew, though, how crucial those years at Gunn really were.
Every so often, I come across a mom, possibly a friend of my parent's, and the question of the school I attend is brought up. The common response to my answer is a flurry of more questions about this most talked about school that all moms seem to know. I only give them short and concise answers for their inquiries: hard work, passion, high standards. These are the characteristics of this stellar school that have taught me and classes of other students to deal with upcoming life.
Gunn has taught me the essence of hard work. To do well is not to blow past homework as a chore, but to do it with understanding and acceptance that it is created as a take-home quiz. Fantastic teachers, so devoted to their job of educating all who move, truly help their students by writing up stacks of brain-busting homework problems and mind-boggling tests. And, although I do admit staying up until two to finish homework and study is not all that exciting, it has taught me discipline. This preparation for more years to come of hopeless cramming has enabled me to accept work and its counterparts.
As for passion, Gunn is the beginning of the road to satisfying mine. A supportive school environment has allowed me to pick and choose my interests, such as science and my desire to understand why and how things work. Surrounded by friends and family who have cheered me on, I have raced from subject to subject, discovering my interests. Excellent teachers with well-planned curriculums have filled my curious mind with the teas of diverse information. A stable student body and intense teachings have made me a believer of developing passions early in life.
And, of course, there are the school's high standards. All Gunn nerds, as we are called by other schools, have come together to radiate ambition and motivation to all that enter through the pillars of our school. For me, I have learned from my fellow "over-achievers" to set high, yet attainable goals. And, thanks to Gunn, many students have had their "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question answered. We no longer want to be those street performers we see jumping out at people from behind bushes, or those pretty models in the window. Instead, to be an engineer, an entrepreneur, or a doctor, as I aspire to be, are common goals. Gunn and its students have set a bar, reachable yet a long ways up, and this has only prepared me for what life has in store for me.
hey
thank you for editing mine! I really appreciate it :]
At least he was right about one thing when he said," what we learn now will push us on through college and beyond." No one knew, though, how crucial those years at Gunn really were.
This is really good! You do a very well job of describing your community and actually stating how its aspired ur dreams. Good job Cache, and thank u
i like this essay though i do think you could include a piece about a day at school. this sums up your school experience and what you've learned. I think a bit more detail would be appreciated.
awesome essay! but some opionions here
The outside world is dog-eat-dog, they say.
i love this sentences!!!
It is absolutely necessary to prepare for that harsh reality after several secure years of high school. What is learned today will build the foundation for your life after high school.
not use your in the essay, because you're not referring to the admission officers. that's what my english teacher said in our journals. try to use he, or me
Pay attention and try hard, lectured by our well-learned sophomore Chemistry teacher. At least he was right about one thing when he said what we learn now will push us on through college and beyond. No one knew, though, how crucial those years at Gunn really were.
Every so often ,
i don't know what you mean by this
I come across a mom, possibly a friend of my parent's, and the question of the school I attend is brought up. The common response to my answer is a flurry of more questions about this most talked about school that all moms seem to know. I only give them short and concise answers for their inquiries: hard work, passion, high standards. These are the characteristics(i would choose dogma instead of characteristic) of this stellar school that have taught me and classes of other students to deal with upcoming life.
Gunn has taught me the essence of hard work. To do well is not to blow past homework as a chore, but to do it with understanding and acceptance that it is created as a take-home quiz. Fantastic teachers, so devoted to their job of educating all who move, truly help their students by writing up stacks of brain-busting homework problems and mind-boggling tests. And, although I do admit staying up until two to finish homework and study is not all that exciting, it has taught me discipline. This preparation for more years to come of hopeless cramming has enabled me to accept work and its counterparts.
As for passion, Gunn is the beginning of the road to satisfying mine. A supportive school environment has allowed me to pick and choose my interests, such as science and my desire to understand why and how things work. Surrounded by friends and family who have cheered me on, I have raced from subject to subject, discovering my interests. Excellent teachers with well-planned curriculums have filled my curious mind with the teas of diverse information. A stable student body and intense teachings have made me a believer of developing passions early in life.
And, of course, there are the school's high standards. All Gunn nerds, as we are called by other schools, have come together to radiate ambition and motivation to all that enter through the pillars of our school. For me, I have learned from my fellow "over-achievers" to set high, yet attainable goals. And, thanks to Gunn, many students have had their "What do you want to be when you grow up?" question answered. We no longer want to be those street performers we see jumping out at people from behind bushes, or those pretty models in the window. Instead, to be an engineer, an entrepreneur, or a doctor, as I aspire to be, are common goals. Gunn and its students have set a bar, reachable yet a long ways up, and this has only prepared me for what life has in store for me.
what i think about your essay is kind like the others. you need more specific details and write about how it influence you more specificly. like you can write about one chemistry class. it changes me and what the teacher said and did and your classmates. how they changed you.
and for the uc prompt. i don't think you really need to totally write about school. you can write what the teacher said and how it influence you, i think it counts in the outside world.
so you should write more specifically to show the admission what exactly you want to convey.
good luck and enroll in UC！！！
The outside world is dog-eat-dog, they say. It is absolutely necessary to prepare for that harsh reality after several secure years of high school. What is learned today will build the foundation for your life after high school. "Pay attention and try hard," lectured our well-learned sophomore Chemistry teacher. At least he was correct about one thing when he said what we learn now will push us on through college and beyond. No one knew then how crucial those years at Gunn High School really were.
Every so often, I come across a mom, possibly a friend of my parent's, and the question of the school I attend is brought up. The common response to my answer is a flurry of more questions about this most talked about school that all moms seem to know. I only give them short and concise answers for their inquiries: hard work, passion, high standards. These are the characteristics of this stellar school that has taught me and classes of other students to deal with upcoming life.
Gunn has taught me the essence of hard work. To do well is not to blow past homework as a chore, but to do it with understanding and acceptance that it is created as a take-home quiz. Fantastic teachers, so devoted to their job of educating all who move, truly help their students by writing up stacks of brain-busting homework problems and mind-boggling tests. And, although I do admit staying up until two to finish homework and study is not all that enjoyable but, it has taught me discipline. This preparation for more years to come of hopeless cramming has enabled me to accept work and its counterparts.
okay so I only changed a few things in the first part. The last couple paragraphs are really well written but this:
Every so often, I come across a mom, possibly a friend of my parent's, and the question of the school I attend is brought up. The common response to my answer is a flurry of more questions about this most talked about school that all moms seem to know.
These couple sentences didn't make any sentences didn't make any sense to me untill I read the whole thing. I don't really know how to rephrase it.
But other than that it sounds good.
