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I want to be at a school that makes me happy - FIT Admissions Essay

pili 1 / -  
Nov 29, 2017   #1
What makes you a perfect candidate for FIT? Why are you interested in the major you are applying to? The essay is also your chance to tell us more about your experiences, activities and accomplishments. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

fit suits me well

"When you're picking out a career, I want you to select a career that you love going to every morning; one that you don't dread going to as you wake up." These wise words were told to me by my father while we were waiting for the stoplight to change. From that moment on, I have bowed to do just that. But, I have also applied that philosophy to other aspects of my life. If I don't enjoy what I am doing, then I don't see the point in staying in that position. I want to do things that make me happy and also challenge me. I have transferred many times because of not feeling like I'm fulfilling my goals. I transferred from one college to another because I didn't get into FIT the first time I applied and my backup school just didn't inspire me. I have attended other schools but none made me feel the way FIT made me feel when I visited the campus; blissful. Along the way, my grades have faltered and so has my happiness. Education is very important and it would make sense for me to go to a school that I feel welcomed in and inspired to get great grades in. After analyzing my predicament and also trying to "tough it out", I thought to myself "Am I going to spend the rest of my college career yearning for it to end?" So I decided that the time is now and my happiness and my needs are first priority. This emotional growth makes me a perfect candiatete for FIT. I now feel as though my opinion matters the most above the opinions of others and that if I want to succeed the only thing stopping me is myself. My perseverance is a quality that I am most proud of. It has taken me this far and it has allowed to grow and develop a broader sense of independence. It has also led me to a school that makes a bit terrified because my goals are that big.

The major that I'm interested in Fashion Business Management. At first, I picked this major because it meant that I could be a buyer after I graduated. I soon realized that the major yields many different career paths and this also makes it a great incentive in our rapidly evolving world. I would really like to become a buyer for a clothing company that's focused on producing ethical garments and a company that's focused on environmental issues and outsourcing artisans from impoverished countries. I believe that a school that is recognized worldwide for this major, would provide me with the tools needed to excel in my career and to reach my goals. I remember when I realized how fun putting together outfits was. I must have been a freshman in high school when I started to develop an interest in fashion. My mom was the one who dressed me when I was younger and I liked to go shopping with her for her input. Then I started to mature and my tastes changed. I then started looking online and in magazines for ideas on how to dress and along the way I discovered American Eagle and H&M. I found the clothes appealing and what I deemed fashionable. As I grew older, I started to wonder how they could sell their clothing items at such affordable prices. After researching the companies, I realized that they manufactured their products overseas with not so fair practices. I felt the need to give my money to companies that had better manufacturing practices. Thus, I became interested in ethical companies because I value their philosophy of producing quality items while also treating the environment and their factory workers with respect. A degree in fashion business management will allow me to seek opportunities with companies like Matt and Nat or Toms. I don't doubt for a second that the path will be treacherous but it will be rewarding attending FIT, a school that will challenge me and fulfill my wishes.
admission2012 - / 481 90  
Nov 29, 2017   #2

Right off the top, you violated rule number 1 in admissions essays-----do not paint yourself in a negative light. Essentially what you are saying here is "I went to other schools and did horribly, but FIT should accept me so that I can do amazing here....." How does that sound to an admissions officer? Not too good. You can still tell this same story without explicitly stating anything negative about yourself. Overall this essay is very superficial. FIT values actions. Demonstrate true passion for the fashion industry by showing how you have been involved. Are you apart of a fashion merchandising or fashion retail clubs at your current school? Are you apart of any associations? Have you worked in retail management? These are the aspects of your application that will make you stand out. - Admissions Track
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,535 3447  
Nov 30, 2017   #3
Pili, your essay will be better served if you remove the unrelated first paragraph. That is nothing more than you just trying to fill in the word count with an unsolicited personal reflection that could backfire on your essay. You have to respond to the prompt within the first 3 lines of your essay otherwise the reviewer will stop reading your essay. In this case, I stopped reading after the unrelated second sentence and moved on to your second paragraph instead. I moved on to the second paragraph because I am not a reviewer attached to a school. I am only here to advice you on how to improve this. An actual reviewer would simply move on to the next application.

Opening with the second paragraph immediately grabs the reviewers attention and establishes a number of response to the prompt requirements such as why you are interested in the major you have chosen and indicates related activities. What it does not represent are the accomplishments you have in this field. For this part, you will need to build on the amateur field related experience that can help you establish your traits that make you a perfect FIT candidate, without saying it directly. You became interested in ethical companies. That is good. How did you pursue this interest and what have the results been so far? Without a connecting statement between your interests in this major and how you have pursued it previous to your application to FIT, you will not really be able to sell the reviewer on the idea that you are a good candidate for the university. This is all about pursuing your passion in the field early on and making a difference by making early preparations to major in the course on your end. You do not attend FIT with the expectation that they will prepare you for the demands of the major and the job that you will get in the future. FIT is only going to enhance the talents, interests, and participation you have had in the field. It will polish you into a professional. It will not lay the foundation for you to eventually pursue this interest. That should have happened during your high school days.

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