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"School of Management" -intra university transfer essay ( reasons for this request.)


gorush 4 / 13  
Mar 15, 2011   #1
During the internship period, I experienced in the business sector which the subject attracts strongly. Luckily, I allocated at the administration department during the internship, and decided to study business. However, I made the decision research in various subject areas to find what subject fits to me, as well. As a result, I admitted at the Harpur College Arts and Sciences in Binghamton University as an undeclared major.

After I successfully finished the first college semester, I want to learn and research business and management area. As an undeclared major student, I would like to learn practical study in the 21st generation. I had worked at a machinery corporation for the internship, where produces machinery equipment for heavy industries. At the first time, the company needs someone who is fluent in English to communicate fluently with foreign buyers. My first job was a translator, but I desired to experience in the field of business, so I requested to the president to urge the management-related department. And begun work in the business field instead of translating language.

The other duty was that conducted affiliate marketing analysis of competitors, which requires knowledge of marketing theoretically. However, I do not have any necessary knowledge background about the business, especially marketing. At this time, I do not have any idea assist project with my colleagues due to lack of experience in the marketing field.

One day, I had an opportunity to present fluent English presentation to overseas buyers. There are some of people who can speak English, but they could not speak well. I was the only one who can speak English fluently among the taskforce team, so I successfully performed presentation to the foreign buyers. As a result, the company got a commitment from highly competitive selection process. Also, the buyer commented about my presentation was an excellent performance. About two weeks after, my colleagues realized how I motivated in this project, so they helped me a lot during the process of the marketing project, so I successfully completed the project.

During this training internship session, I have developed and demonstrated my marketing and public relation skills in my previous work experience as an intern assistant. I had planned, developed and coordinated critical business meeting also publicizing and marketing the events were an essential part of my job.

After successfully completed the internship session, I dreamed to be an experienced Chief Executive Officer (CEO) after I graduate from college and receive Master of Business Administration (MBA) degree. To earn the MBA degree, I want to study in the undergraduate courses in order to understand the fundamentals of commerce to study in the graduate courses.

Lastly, the NFL Green Bay Packers head coach Vincent T. Lombardi said that "The difference between a successful person and others is not a lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather in a lack of will." Although, the nature of Intra University Transfer into the School of Management is highly competitive, I would like to get the opportunity to learn management in the Binghamton University with outstanding faculty and students. I ensure that I can be a great CEO with successful career in after ten years. Because, I have a strong belief to myself, and I desire to study management compare than others.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Mar 19, 2011   #2
This needs an anchor. It floats around. It starts abruptly, and I cannot pinpoint what your main message is for the reader.

Try adding a sentence to the beginning of this, and make it a sentence that introduces your main theme or message in a clear way.

I was the only one who can speak English fluently ----You do have great English! Here is a way to make it even better: Keep the verb tense the same: "I was the only one who could speak English..."

The other duty was that conducted affiliate marketing analysis of competitors, which requires required knowledge of marketing theoretically. ----When you write in the past tense, keep the verbs in the past tense.

This sentence is not complete, but you can fix it by taking away "because"...
Because , I have a strong belief to myself, and I desire to study management _______________( The sentence needs a different ending because it does not make sense. compare than others .

So... give it that anchor, that theme that you introduce in the beginning and at the end.


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