I would really appreciate it if someone could read my answer and give any feedback. The deadline is January 1, so the sooner the better. Thanks!! :)
1. Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?
The school's reputation and relationship with the city, as well as meeting a certain alumnus have influenced me to apply to Syracuse University. When I told people I wanted to study architecture in college, Syracuse University kept coming up in the conversation. With that, I started researching the university and discovered that the School of Architecture, the school I am particularly interested in, was ranked second in the United States for undergraduate architecture, and that the School's Dean was regarded as one of the 'Most Admired Educators' by DesignIntelligence. Certainly, no prospective freshman could ignore a reputation like Syracuse University's.
The city of Syracuse has attracted me to Syracuse University more so than to other colleges. After visiting the campus and driving around the city, I saw how such a beautiful city possesses an environment tailored for the creative mind. Given the university's community service projects, not to mention the contributions of the School of Architecture's UPSTATE center, I would find myself constantly thinking of ways to improve the city's neighborhoods through urban rehabilitation. Syracuse University's philosophy of having good communication with the city and doing community service within the city is one of main reasons I am applying to the school.
Lastly, meeting Michael Eisner, also known as DJ Splyce in the music industry, demonstrated to me how successful and creative Syracuse graduates can be. Knowing beforehand that he graduated from Syracuse and after hearing him perform at my school, I became really impressed by the creativity a Syracuse alumnus can possess. It is absolutely wonderful to know what kind of talents, skills, and aspirations Syracuse University can foster - all while living in, and giving back to, the charming city of Syracuse.
Very nice essay. The reasons you gave for wanting to go to the university were very specific, which made it seem like you weren't just writing a brochure. You also show your potential and aspirations in the essay, which is always a plus. (and mentioning DJ Splyce, in my opinion, demonstrates that you're not just a nerd :P ) Overall, very well written. I must say that I have no objections, at all.
I am looking for one main idea that the essay is going to express. I always look for one sentence that expresses that message. But in this essay, I can't find it. It usually can be found as the last sentence in the first paragraph...
as ranked second in the United States for undergraduate architecture---Is this your interest? I think you should try to highlight your interest and plan a little more.
:-)
