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The School of Rock & my passion for music ; COMMON APP


tahanw13 5 / 19  
Dec 23, 2012   #1
here is my common app essay, please critique it as harshly as possible, i am applying everywhere in a few days and haven't had much assistance on this haha.

Middle school was, for me, a rather awkward stage of my life, as I'm sure it was for many other people. However, I'm fairly certain that my experiences during middle school were very different than those of most other suburban kids. It was the time when my younger brother and sisters' professional acting careers really started taking off, and while they were off shooting commercials in Germany or TV episodes in Los Angeles, I was often left to stay home with grandparents or friends. My life took a backseat to the hectic filming schedules that consumed most of my family's life. It was also the time when my parents' relationship spiraled out of control and eventually led to a divorce, something that was not easy for me to witness at such a young age. Despite all this, I will forever remember my middle school years for one reason only: it was when I developed my passion for music.

Amidst the chaos of movies, marital problems, and school, my mother signed me up for the School of Rock in South Hackensack, perhaps just as a way to keep me occupied. The School of Rock was a place where students took private lessons on their instrument of choice and played a variety of music with other students in "ensemble" practices. I had always enjoyed listening to music, but never had a genuine interest in it. I can still vividly recall the first time I went; it was a run-down, ugly old brick building in the industrial district. I remember walking in, seeing the tattered posters and the numerous holes in the walls, thinking, "this is it?" But as I sat down behind the drum set for the first time, bashing away as the other students wailed on their guitars, basses, and keyboards, the appearance of the School of Rock became irrelevant. Everything else in my life became irrelevant. I had found my home.

From then on, all I could think about was music. I practiced the drums for hours upon hours every day, eager to go to Thursday night rehearsal. It was where, once a week, I could release all my pent-up frustration without hurting anyone, save for the occasional broken drumstick flying across the room. For those three hours, my siblings' overwhelming careers and my parents' constant fighting was pushed into the background; all I cared about were my drums.

Although the School of Rock closed down during my freshman year, I will never forget my experiences there and what it taught me. Although it was just a dingy building with a couple of guitar amps and drum sets, it was the most important part of my childhood. The School of Rock was where I discovered my passion for music and where I could share that passion with others, all while forming lasting relationships along the way. Playing music is still very much an important part of my existence, and I owe it entirely to the School of Rock.
OP tahanw13 5 / 19  
Dec 23, 2012   #2
btw topic is describe an experience that had a meaningful impact on you
katev 18 / 120 24  
Dec 23, 2012   #3
Middle school was, for me, a rather awkward stage of my life, as I'm sure it was for many other people. Start off with a really strong sentence. As it is now, this first sentence wouldn't necessarily make me more excited to read your essay.

However, I'm fairly certain that my experiences during middle school were very different than those of most other suburban kids (This is not meant to be offensive, but 2 out of your 3 listed experiences are pretty typical for a middle schooler, (minus the child-star siblings)) (Make it very clear how your time in middle school was different) . It was the time when my younger brother and sisters' professional acting careers really started taking off, and w.W hile they were off shooting commercials

My life took a backseat (not sure this is the right use of the phrase) to the hectic filming schedules that consumed most of my family's life. Despite all this, I will forever remember my middle school years for one reason only (You'll remember it positively for one reason. You have a lot of reasons to remember your middle school times so maybe rephrase that sentence) : it was when I developed my passion for music.

Amidst the chaos of movies, marital problems, and school, my mother signed me up for the School of Rock in South Hackensack, perhaps just as a way to keep me occupied.

I remember walking in, seeing the tattered posters and the numerous holes in the walls, thinking, "(You might need to capitalize "This") this is it?"

But as I sat down behind the drum set for the first time, bashing away as the other students wailed on their guitars, basses, and keyboards, the appearance of the School of Rock became irrelevant. Everything else in my life became irrelevant. I had found my home. (Good ending for this paragraph!)

I practiced the drums for hours upon hours every day, eager to go to Thursday night rehearsal. It was where, oO nce a week, I could

You have a good essay! It definitely has the potential to stand out amongst the others, just end strong and start strong.
Also, not to be annoying, but that's so cool/interesting that you're Daisy and Charlie's brother! My good friend also has two younger actor siblings so I can imagine what middle school must have been like for you
awakemysoul 3 / 8 1  
Dec 23, 2012   #4
Ahhh when I read this it made me smile so much cause I play drums too, and I went to School of Rock as well (although the one in Los Angeles)!!

But anyway, I think this essay is very inspirational, and your passion for music comes through very clearly. The only thing I have to say is that at first, we don't really understand what the topic of your essay is going to be, I actually sorta thought you were going to talk about the difficulties of being amidst your siblings who were starting their acting careers. So I think one thing you could do to improve this essay (in my opinion) is to better relate the beginning of your essay and the main topic.

Otherwise great essay and good luck!!! Hope I helped
OP tahanw13 5 / 19  
Dec 23, 2012   #5
katev
thanks for the help. life is still pretty much the same as it was in middle school haha.

awakemysoul
thank you for the help fellow drummer


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