Making the school varsity tennis team was one of the goals I had in mind when I started my sophomore year. During the first week of practice, the coach told us that next week, which was Christmas vacation, we would be conditioning. By the sound of it, hearing the rumors from returning players, and from the experience during the first day of practice, I was heading for seven days of hell. Looking at the past years, I did not run several miles without walking or stopping to catch a breath.
The coming week came faster than expected. "We are running the hills today, boys," said the coach. Feeling my heartbeat at its normal pace, I double-knotted my tennis shoes and we began to walk toward the mountain track. Then the pace began to pick up. After a couple of minutes, my muscles began to harden. My ankles began to break, slowly crying out in pain. My heart began to beat faster and louder, thumping against my chest. The sun, out in the open, scorched my perspiring skin. I thought I was about to get a heat stroke.
Running up a hill was the last thing I wanted to do when most of my energy was already spent. The gravity pulled me down as I dragged my concrete body up the road. Ounces of my strength were seeping out of my skin as I went up and down the hill. Looking ahead, my teammates were a distance away. I was alone with no shade and the bright star burning my cells. Liquid salt drenched my clothes. My legs were numb with pain. When I finished half of the run, I was spent and on the verge of collapse.
"Do not give up," I heard a small voice say to me. Soon my hard fibers began to loosen. This effect pervaded throughout my structure. Soon small, cool breezes began to blow on my face as I continued to run. With no water bottle in hand, I had nothing but God to lean on. I felt His being running beside me, encouraging me to finish what I have started. Crossing the bridge and finally able to see the street leading to the campus, I smiled and started down toward my school.
Reaching the tennis courts, I took out my water bottle and drank refreshingly. I was the last one to make it back. My legs were still a bit hard from the running. My chest was heaving for air. Later on, reflecting upon this experience, I did not give up while running the hills. I do not plan to take shortcuts and end the run early. I knew if I had taken the wide road, I would not reap any benefits. If I start giving up now, I would not succeed in life. The trials have only just begun and I am going to finish the tasks given to me. I will not back down so easily."
This quality makes me proud because I always been those people that like to be active in sports. But what Coach Guzman has done is incredible teaching me a lot of things besides life and discipline as well as confidence and determination in order to succeed in life and college. This will help me in college because I have the confidence, determination, and discipline to help me succeed in college and down the road in life.
I'm not really sure what the coach has to do with your story; if he is supposed to be the main focus (which I'm not sure of because you didn't includes the prompt), this piece has the wrong focus. All of your focus is on your experience during this run, and not a lot else. There isn't really any deep reflection or self-evaluation in regards to how you changed as a person after this experience. As far as cutting it down, I suggest maybe not including so many details about the run; you could condense the middle without ruining the rest of the piece.
so what do i need to do in order to make the essay sound better bsides changing the last paragraph anythin else...
how can i delete some of the details about the run where!?!
That is really up to you; since it is your story, it is up to you to decide what is important about it and what isn't so much. Think about what you really want to impart to your audience, and then remove the parts that don't relay that message.
Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com
i dont have any ideas on what to write about what made me proud...-.-
need your help..
Good morning :)
How about times in your life where you have achieved something that you didn't think you could, or when you helped someone in need? What about an instance where it was tough to do the right thing and show moral character, and you did? Or, when you stood up for someone else when they were in need/distress?
Think about one very narrow incident, with these things in mind. I'm absolutely positive you've done great things in life that would make you proud :)
I feel like focusing on the tennis team is a good idea, but your not describing how you've applied this to your life. maybe focus the qualities toward how your life is now/
