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Schreyer Honors College , Number 3 among the 3 questions that you have to submit


doyoung220 1 / -  
Sep 17, 2009   #1
Tell us about a time when you grew as a person - describe the circumstances, the challenges you faced, and how you responded. How did this episode contribute to making you the person you are today?

Flipping through the pictures, I would always sit by a box, traveling through the memories that I believed to be clear. Memories were always a very important part of my life.

Finding myself with the happiest smile in every picture taken in America, I dreamt of coming back to America since 1998, the year I left. Being in an environment where nothing but the best counts, there was barley enough time to breath; 20 hours of studying and 4 hours of sleep, that's all I did. No space being permitted to build my future, if there was a little spare I would imagine running the time backwards to go back to my childhood. Of course, there was no way to do that. Even though I was a highly achieved in grade-wise, that didn't improve any aspect of my mental wellness.

In the summer of 2006, my dad came to Penn State University as an exchange professor and mom, sister and I came as well. I told my parents that I was excited to challenge myself in a new world, but really, I was thrilled to finally escape from a hopeless place. The terrible cycle of clinging on past seemed like it had an end.

But, nothing was better if not worse.
I remember the first day of school. My earth science teacher, Mr.Rucchio, gave an assignment of reading five pages out of the text book. It took only ten minutes for other students but I spent the whole night reading it over and over, word by word. I also did almost 50 problems each day for math homework for about a month because I didn't know what 'o', 'e', and 'eoo' meant. I was overwhelmed by remorse from no improvement showing while so much effort and time was being putted in. What made me harder were high expectations. My dad got a post doctor at University of Michigan and my mom was always the top of the class up to her high school years. They would always tell me that they believed in me, it was okay to take my time, no one could be the best from the beginning, and that getting to study in America, itself, was a wonderful opportunity. But all that sounded like frauds. I maintained and achieved everything I am supposed to, but never felt fulfilled. I was back into the cycle.

Only three weeks before my senior year started, my family went to visit Michigan. Everything was beautiful and just the air of there made me feel like the emptiness in me was getting filled. But the things and places that I imagined to be really big and amazing was just little things that I could totally be ignorant of.

Looking at the slide, of the length of my leg, that I believed to be the longest slide I have ever seen, I realized how much I grew. Meeting Sarah, my best friend from kindergarten, a blind, reminded me how caring I was. So many other things made me regret the times that I spent without putting any meanings to anything. Way back to home was in a hurry with more hope and dreams of my future than inconvenience of leaving the past behind.
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 17, 2009   #2
I'm sorry. I don't want to demoralize you, but I cannot make much sense of this essay. You used to like photographs. At some point in time, you worked more hours than is normal. At some point in time, you did poorly in school for a while and felt bad about that. At some point in time -- recently?? -- you went to Michigan, liked the air, and -- for some incomprehensible reason -- measured a slide. Somehow, this slide was only the length of your leg, which (unless you are extremely tall) wouldn't even be long enough for a small child to enjoy. Your best friend in kindergarten was blind.

I think that the problem here is sequence. This essay seems to jump around in time so often that I can't keep track of the narrative. It reads more like a dream -- a succession of images -- then an essay.
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #3
Yes. The narrative in this essay is very weak. The inconsistency in grammar and time frame weakens the essay, a LOT.

20 hours of studying and 4 hours of sleep, that's all I did

^Why on earth would you do that? No one does that, and very few people respect that as well seeing as how it limits social interaction and learning real life things as opposed to some text in a book.

Also,

describe the circumstances, the challenges you faced, and how you responded. How did this episode contribute to making you the person you are today?

^The essay prompt is not answered.

I think it is fair to say that you need to start your essay from scratch. It is very weak as it is and very unappealing as it fails to address the essay prompt, let alone show anything about positive about you as a person.
asianbaybay 1 / 10  
Sep 17, 2009   #4
i think your looking way into this prompt. close your eyes and really think about it.
Tell us about a time when you grew as a person - describe the circumstances, the challenges you faced, and how you responded. How did this episode contribute to making you the person you are today?

did anything happen to you that changed your life? it doesnt have to be super dramatic it could be something simple, you just need reasoning.


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