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"Being a Science Camp counselor " - Talent, accomplishment - UC Prompt #2


rex0saurus 1 / 1  
Nov 16, 2010   #1
Prompt #2: Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

One week with a whole bunch of fifth graders at Science Camp. I was wondering to myself, "Is this going to be even worth missing school and making up a week's worth of work?" Kids always got on my nerves because they were always stuck up and always wanted attention, but again, I was like that during elementary school as well. Taking care of one child at home was already bad enough for me, but watching at least ten more children? I could already tell this is going to be one challenging week for me.

As I enter the elementary school I was counseling for, many of the kids asked what my name is and right away they admired me. It was a bit too early because they haven't got to know me yet, however, I felt welcomed and I was ready to do spend time with them. I helped labeled their baggage with names and packed them inside the truck and buses. The children stayed silent as the teacher announced which counselor will have what children to watch and spend their week with. Right away when the kids found out who had me, they began to jump with excitement.

On the way to the camping site, everyone was restless and already I had to tell them to settle down and lower their voices. As soon as we got there, the children head to a theater where they saw presentations and introductions of the field instructors and the experience they were going to have while us counselors had a meeting with the supervisors. We were given instructions and a schedule of the events for our kids. It was our responsibility to get them there in time and prepared.

As the week progresses, I began to develop good friendships not only with my kids, but kids from the other cabins as well. During their recreation times, most of them didn't play, but instead, some counselors and I bonded with them as I got to know their names. During bedtime, most of them didn't want to sleep no matter how many time I told them to sleep. We had conversations about entering middle school and high school is going to be for them. I now knew I could get through this week with no problems. When the week ended, I couldn't believe how many kids cry because they thought they would never get to see us again, but surprisingly, we had no school the next Monday due to Cesar Chavez day, so we dropped by and helped out with their school work.

Being a Science Camp counselor made a big difference in my life. I know I should be a go role model for them because they want to be just like you. It showed me good leadership skills and now I am more involved with helping out the community. I began to referee basketball games for kids and teaching them basketball fundamentals in a league. Kids look up to me and I tell them to always give school 100% because everything will pay off at the end.

I would appreciate anything corrections or improvements to make them stronger. Thanks! =)
shiric 1 / 3  
Nov 16, 2010   #2
I can tell from your essay that this is an interesting and educative experience. It gave you a lot of good memories. But I think you can describe it with more vivid language. You told too much about what you did and what the children did. This is made your essay like a list of things you have done. It is barren. Maybe you need more adverb and adjective in your passage. Describtion more about your mental activity will help too.

Another suggestion is that some of your sentence are too general, especially in the conclusion paragraph. You said that"It showed me good leadership skills and now I am more involved with helping out the community". The question of "What leadership skill did he learned through the experience?" came up when read this sentence. Also, I know you are attractive to children and willing to help them. But why you are so popular among children than other counselors? This is what I want to know but can find ansewer in your essay.

All above is just my view of the passage. Hope you can find something useful in it.

Good luck.
OP rex0saurus 1 / 1  
Nov 17, 2010   #3
Thank you, I understand what you mean! :D


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