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"Scottie's story" - CommonApp Essay about an influential person


williambanks17 1 / -  
Oct 31, 2010   #1
Growing up in the predominantly white, middle-class suburbs of *******, Utah, my exposure to the world has been somewhat limited. Apart from a couple of summers spent in Europe, I have not really experienced much first-hand cultural, economic, religious, or ethnic diversity. Some refer to our community of ******** as a "bubble" of protection and security that is rarely breached by outside influences or problems. I suppose I should be grateful for the protection and safety, but I am looking forward to the learning opportunities and am anxious to explore new experiences and views beyond my "standard" world.

My family has always emphasized education, and going to college has been a given. I have always had my mind set on going to college, then enrolling in graduate school, and then taking a job with a nice salary and enjoying a comfortable life. That general plan and those expectations are commonplace in my neighborhood. Until just recently, I presumed that most kids my age had that same general plan, and the opportunities and resources to execute it -- that all changed when I met Scottie ******.

In my brief seventeen years I have become acquainted with numerous notable individuals. In some cases their influences have been fleeting, but in others their influences have become entrenched. Although I have known him for only a couple of months now, his story and personality have had a profound influence on my outlook.

My family and I attend church services in a quiet, subdued neighborhood. Occasionally, instead of the standard sermon, the services are opened up to the members of the congregation for testimonials - sort of like "open mike," so that the members can get up and express their feelings or share a personal experience. One Sunday this past summer, the services were opened up for testimonials, and the first person up to the microphone was this muscular, imposing, 6'4,' 250 pound stranger. He politely introduced himself, mentioned his childhood growing up in Los Angeles, and spoke of some extraordinary events that occurred after he moved, at the age of seventeen, from Los Angeles to Salt Lake City.

As a young, African-American/Polynesian, being raised by his unemployed single mother in the urban grit of Los Angeles, California, growing up was not easy. An absent father, a distracted mother, a lack of identity and direction, hunger, drugs, alcohol and violence were a few of the hurdles that Scottie faced. With little else going on, he joined a local gang and began getting into trouble. His mother became concerned with the rough influences, and she moved the family to Utah.

Weeks after they arrived in Salt Lake City, Scottie connected with another gang. During a party one night, he noticed one of his fellow gang members forcing a girl down into the dark reaches of a nearby alley. Scottie immediately responded, and followed them down the alley. As he approached them, from the struggling and yelling, Scottie knew the young man was attempting to rape her. Scottie stepped in and asked the young man to let her go, but he told Scottie to get lost. Scottie persisted and this time demanded that he let her go, but again the young man would not stop. Scottie then asserted himself, all 6'4" and 250 pounds, and forcibly threw the young man away from the girl. As he did so, the young man pulled a knife on Scottie and inflicted several significant cuts. As the fight continued, Scottie realized that the young man was not going to stop and Scottie feared that he might get killed. Out of options, Scottie drew his gun, fired one shot and killed the young man. Scottie was convicted of 2nd degree manslaughter and sent to prison. He was then only seventeen years old, the same age as I am now. After being incarcerated for the next thirteen years, he was released. It was three days later, in our church services, that I first met him.

What is really astounding to me are the positive attributes and the optimistic outlook that he has managed to develop. Scottie just may be the most gentle, patient, kind, respectful, loyal, and loving person I have ever known. The list could go on and on, but he is an incredible person, and all the more incredible given his experience of the last thirteen years. He does not feel any resentment for all that has happened to him.

While in prison, Scottie took advantage of every educational opportunity. He participated in programs where the inmates were allowed to design and construct projects such as sheds, tables, desks, chairs, frames, and more. He also took part in many classes that allowed him to earn several educational certificates. Upon being released, he wasted no time in moving on with his life. He immediately found a job with big construction company and has been furthering his education in construction and design.

In our brief four month friendship Scottie has taught me many life lessons. His caring personality has touched me and has made me want to become more like him. His patience in suffering through thirteen years of prison has humbled me and has taught me that no matter what may happens to us in life, we can make the best of bad situations. His courage, as a seventeen year-old in those circumstances preventing a girl from being raped, speaks for itself. Scottie, the boy, could have minded his own business and gone right on with his night, but Scottie, the man, took it upon himself to protect her.

When I first heard Scottie's story, my first thoughts were, how is that I have been personally shielded from such hardships and madness for so long, and why have such societal hardships not yet been solved after such prolonged exposure to the so-called civilized world. As my thoughts plunged deeper, I realized that people who are living in hardship circumstances like Scottie when he was seventeen are focused on completely different problems than the seventeen year-olds living in the "bubbles" of our world. The kids growing up in the tough neighborhoods are obviously worrying more about where they are going to get their next meal, rather than where they are going to be sending their next college application. Even if the kids in the rough neighborhoods were not too distracted from thinking about college, the opportunity for them to do so is significantly more limited. Of course, it is not their fault, everyone is dealt a different hand; some get a lot of good cards, and some get a lot of bad cards. The kids in the rough neighborhoods do the best they can with the difficult hands they were dealt.

We can move closer to finding a solution by doing all we can to improve ourselves and to help those in need. I want to take every opportunity for education, and to take as many steps as I can up the ladder of life. With every extra step, I hope to improve my hand, so that I can in turn help improve the hands of those in need. That might be through studying chemistry to help create new drugs, studying medicine to help kids in need, studying engineering to help develop third-world countries, or it might be something completely different. Although at this time I am not sure exactly what it will be, from Scottie ******'s example and inspiration, I will move beyond my "bubble," and I will set my eyes on more important goals, those that will benefit others.
EF_Susan - / 2,364 12  
Nov 4, 2010   #2
In my brief seventeen years, I have become acquainted with numerous notable individuals.

As a young (no comma here) African-American/Polynesian, ...

After being incarcerated for the next thirteen years, he was released. It was three days later, in our church services , that I first met him.

In our brief four month friendship, Scottie has taught me many life lessons.

... thirteen years of prison has humbled me and has taught me that no matter what may happens to us, in life, we can make the best of bad situations.

When I first heard Scottie's story, my first thoughts were, how is it that I have been personally shielded from...

You really have a way with words, you're a very good writer.
Good luck in school.


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